The Aftermath
by adriaticjellyfishsting
Summary: Something's wrong with one of the contestants in the tournament, but Arthur just won't listen to Merlin, and in consequence, she's beaten and raped, barely making it out alive.  girl!merlin Warning: Non-con
1. Chapter 1

****disclaimer: I don't own Merlin. BBC owns Merlin. This is why Merthur isn't technically canon.

**The Aftermath**

* * *

><p>Merlin had always been so proud of Arthur. Even if he was a clotpole and a prat at times, she had always been so very proud of him. He fought for what he believed in, and when Uther was being unreasonable, he stood up to his father and tried to make the King see sense. Of course, sometimes the loyalty that he felt towards his father led him to do things that made Merlin want to punch him, but she firmly believed that Prince Arthur was a Good Person. This was why watching him now caused her so much pain. Uther's devastation after Morgana's betrayal had not lessened, as Gaius had said that it might. It seemed rather the opposite: every day the King retreated further into himself. When Arthur had become king in everything but name, Merlin's hopes had never been higher. She had been sure that he would lead Camelot out of the dark days of Uther's rule, using his empathy and innate sense of justness to right the wrongs that his father had carried out.<p>

She had been wrong. Merlin could see in Arthur's eyes the battle that was raging within him. He wanted so badly to be good and right, but at the same time he also wanted people to think that he was strong like his father. Sometimes, Merlin wished that she could hold Arthur close and tell him that he needn't be at all like his father, for the man was a coward, and Arthur was anything but.

Of course, she couldn't tell him this, and when she did try to warn him against certain actions, he outwardly took no heed of her warnings. His decisions had been rash, and made as a show of strength, rather than diplomacy. Merlin had thought that she had had trouble keeping Arthur safe during Uther's rule; she was very much mistaken. Now that Arthur was regent, her duties as both servant and protecter had doubled, and on the nights when she actually got to sleep, she would pass out as soon as she collapsed on her bed. Arthur would be the death of her, she swore.

–

The annual tournament was drawing near again, and just like every year, Merlin told Arthur how stupid she thought it was.

"It's just a bunch of sweaty men swinging weapons at each other for fun. People _die._ For fun," Merlin said critically to Arthur as she helped him dress the morning before the tournament.

"It's not just for fun, Merlin," Arthur explained to her slowly, as if shew as a simpleton, "It's for honor and glory. Everyone in Camelot and the rest of the kingdoms knows the name of the man who wins this tournament."

"Oh it's for glory!" Merlin gasped, feigning a great realization, "That makes it so much better!"

Arthur rolled his eyes at her.

"Shut up Merlin. You know you enjoy it."

"Well, I may not enjoy the actual fighting bit, but all the men it brings into town... Now them I do like," Merlin said, grinning at Arthur, "It's a pity that most of them are dead by the end of the week," she added as an afterthought.

Arthur blushed slightly and looked away from Merlin. It always bothered him to think about Merlin and other men. To think that they could have what he never could always upset him. The thought of someone else running his hands through her smooth, dark hair, or tracing a finger down her magnificent cheekbones, or kissing her beautiful, full lips made him positively mad. Too many nights had he had to sleep next to her on the forrest floor and restrain himself from pulling her into a close embrace. He had almost lost her more times than he wished to remember, her loyalty and fierce need to protect him outweighing her concern for her own life every time. He wished she wouldn't do such things to protect him. The idea that one day, she might not pull through and he would lose her forever haunted him day and night. Long ago he had forced himself to accept that one day he would lose her, not to death, but to someone else, someone who could love her. That scared him too.

"Arthur? Hello?" Merlin shouted in his face, waving her hands at him. He snapped out of his thoughts.

"Err, sorry," he said, "Come on, I have to make sure everything is being set up properly."

Merlin ignored the strange, almost sad look on his face as the made their way to the arena.

When they arrived, Arthur hopped into the sandpit to speak with Leon, who was instructing several guards carrying large wooden beams on what to do with them.

"Merlin, if you could go polish my armor," Arthur called up to her.

She groaned and slunk off to the armory. Arthur's armor was already polished, she recalled, but if she hid in there for an hour or so, she might get out of doing something really awful. Arthur had taken to ordering her to muck out the stables, something she hadn't had to do since her first year in Camelot. She wondered what she had done to deserve that.

Merlin pushed the door open and stopped where she stood, with her mouth open in a small o of horror. Inside, a burly man wearing a green tunic had a young girl pressed up against the wall. She was trying to call out in terror, but the man smothered her cries, pressing a dirty hand over her mouth. Terrified, the girl reached out and tried to grab the man's hair, which was hanging in his face, but he swatted her hand away. In punishment for her resistance, he smacked her across the face with full force, sending her head slamming back into the wall.

"What do you think you're doing?" shouted Merlin, racing forward to help the girl. She grabbed a sword off of the table and swung it at the man, who laughed and dodged it. When she swung again, the man grabbed her arm, and twisted it, forcing her to drop the sword. Merlin whispered an incantation under her breath and her eyes glowed gold, but the spell had no effect on the man, whose eyes, to Merlin's horror, also flashed gold, with a more powerful spell. It knocked Merlin off of her feet and back into the wall. She pushed herself back up and sent another spell at the man, who this time, was sent flying back. He got to his feet and ran off before Merlin could do anything more to him, but that didn't matter. She was more concerned with the girl, who lay unconscious on the floor. Merlin hurried to her side, where she checked for a pulse and breathing. They were both there and steady, and Merlin breathed a sigh of relief. She lifted the girl's head from the ground and placed it in her lap, where she inspected the bump on the back of her head. It was swelling rapidly.

She smiled as the girl's eyes began to flutter open, and stroked her hair. When the girl finally regained consciousness, she burst into tears. Merlin tried to calm her down.

"Shh, shh, you're alright," Merlin cooed, "You're alright. I'm not going to let anyone hurt you."

The girl's body shook with tremors as she sobbed. Merlin continued to stroke her hair gently.

"Do you think that you can walk?" Merlin asked.

The girl nodded weakly.

"I'm going to take you to the court physician to get your head checked out. I'll help you stand and walk if you need me to, alright?"

The girl nodded again. Merlin placed her hands beneath the girl's arms as the girl tried to push herself off of the ground. Once standing she was a little wobbly, and clung to Merlin for support as they slowly made their way out of the armory and to Gaius.

"Gaius!" Merlin called as they entered, "Gaius, come quickly!"

The old man hurried into the room, stared at Merlin and the girl for a moment, and then leapt into action.

"Merlin, what happened?" he took the girl by the shoulders and led her to a chair, "What's wrong with her?"

"She hit her head rather hard. There's a huge lump on the back of it," Merlin said, brushing her fingers over it slightly. The girl flinched, "Sorry." Merlin pulled her hand back quickly.

Merlin watched as Gaius inspected the bump, and tested the girl's vision. She shuddered, remembering the man's huge form towering over the girl, and was ashamed of herself for not stopping him with magic the instant she set foot in the room. There had just been this fear that had crippled her, stopping her from thinking for a moment. Men who took advantage of women had always frightened her more than almost anything else, even if she knew that she herself could fight them off. Mentally she berated herself for letting her fear get the better of her. If she hadn't overcome her needless fear at the last moment, that awful man might have gotten away with raping the girl.

"Merlin, what happened to her? She seems to frightened to speak," Gaius said as he bandaged the girl's head.

Merlin met the girl's eyes. She nodded slightly as if to say that it was alright for Merlin to tell him.

"One of the men who is here for the tournament had her in the armory. He was trying to take advantage of her. She fought back and he hit her head against the wall," Merlin recounted quietly.

"But he didn't succeed in taking advantage of her?" Gaius asked.

"No. I got there just in time, thankfully," Merlin told him.

"And the man?"

"I don't know, he ran off. He had magic, Gaius."

Both Merlin and Gaius jumped as the girl finally spoke. Her voice was timid.

"I caught him in there," she said softly, "He was placing some kind of enchantment on his sword."

Gaius and Merlin exchanged glances.

"Merlin, find out who this man is supposed to fight tomorrow. If he was enchanting his blade to win, Arthur's life could be in serious danger."

Merlin nodded and sped from the room back down to where the tournament was being set up. She caught up with Leon, who was holding the registry book.

"Leon!" she panted, out of breath from her sprint, "I need your help!"

The knight frowned and looked at her.

"What's wrong Merlin?"

"I need to see the registry book, and I need you to help me find out who someone is. Do you remember a big, burly man in a green tunic from this morning?"

"Long, scraggly brown hair?" Leon asked, gesturing at his head.

"Yeah! What was his name?"

Leon flipped through the book and trailed his finger down the page.

"Urest," said Leon, tapping the name.

"Who's he set to fight tomorrow?"

"He's the first fight of the day, looks like. He's set to go up against Arthur," Leon frowned at the look on Merlin's face, "Should I be concerned?"

Merlin blinked.

"No, I think it'll be all right," she said, and ran back to Gaius, leaving a confused Leon in her wake.

"He's set to fight Arthur," she informed him breathlessly, "The first fight of the morning."

Gaius paled.

"He can't fight him; the man must have enchanted his sword to be unbeatable. I'll never find it in that armory and who knows what kind of spell is on it," Merlin moaned hopelessly.

She was going to have to tell Arthur that he had to withdraw. It wouldn't be easy, she knew, since he had an idiotic sense of pride, but she could do it. She'd done it before. Without a word to Gaius, she took off again, this time to find Arthur.

Arthur was watching the men train, standing on a battlement with Gwaine, who smiled broadly at her when she approached.

"Hello princess," Gwaine greeted her.

"I told you not to call me that," Merlin chided before turning to Arthur, who had his arms crossed, "Arthur! You have to withdraw from your first fight. The man, he wants to kill you!"

Arthur rolled his eyes.

"Of course he wants to kill me, you idiot. That's what the whole point of this tournament is: the kill the other man."

"But he really is going to kill you," Merlin cried.

"I'm offended by your lack of faith Merlin," Arthur laughed.

"Why are you laughing? I'm completely serious! The man is using magic to beat in the fight, thereby killing you!" she shouted angrily.

Gwaine looked concerned.

"And do you have any proof of this, Merlin?" Arthur asked skeptically.

"A serving girl saw him enchanting his weapon," Merlin explained.

"So you didn't actually see him do it?" he raised an eyebrow.

"No, but he has magic Arthur. Listen to me!" her eyes welled up with tears of frustration, but she choked them back.

"Merlin. I will not look a coward simply because some girl told you that a contestant is using magic," he said sternly.

"You insufferable prat!" she shouted at him and ran off.

The next morning, Merlin woke with dread. She would have to be ready to leap into action at any moment. She met Arthur down by the pitch before the match.

"Hope you still don't think I should withdraw," he said to her as a greeting.

She didn't say anything, just helped him put his things on. It was half an hour until the match began.

"Your armor is still in the armory," she said sullenly, "I'll go get it."

"Be quick about it, will you," Arthur called after as she left.

Prat, she thought.

She pushed open the armory door and picked up Arthur's things.

"You're not going anywhere," said a gravely voice.

Urest stepped from the shadows, and before Merlin could react, he incanted a spell that sent Merlin stumbling back. When she tried to retaliate with a spell of her own, she found that her magic wouldn't come. Her heart began to pound with fear and she made a desperate lunge for a weapon, but he caught her and thrust her to the ground. Balling her fists, Merlin hit him hard in the face as he leaned over her. She moved to hit him again, but he grabbed her arms.

Pinning them beneath her, he punched her hard in the face, again and again and again. Merlin could feel her nose break, and cried out as blood spurted from it. Before she could scream for help, he struck her in the throat, and knocked the breath from her. All she could do was gasp for air as Urest struck her face over and over. Her panic rose as he tore her dress from her body, clawing off her undergarments. He whispered a spell that caused her body to weaken and then he stood. She knew it was over. Her mind was dizzy, and she squeezed her eyes shut as he undid his pants. Urest kicked her repeatedly in the ribs, trying to roll her over with his foot. There was a crack as she heard a rib break.

When it proved that she still had enough strength to resist that, he grabbed her with his hands and flipped her onto her stomach. The tears came as he grabbed her by her hair and settled his body over her. She could feel his erection touching her and she wanted to vomit, but her throat was closed. He pulled her towards him so that she was on her knees, face down with her arms in front of her. Merlin tried to lift her self to fight back, but found that with each movement, her strength faded faster. Violently spreading her legs, Urest thrust into her and Merlin screamed. She felt herself tear as his thrusts came jerkily. Merlin howled in pain. He scratched his hands down her back, leaving it bleeding, and gripped her breasts tightly, his fingernails breaking the skin. His thrusts came faster still.

Merlin cried and tried to think of something else, something nice, something wonderful and safe, but all that filled her brain was the pain and horror, and the putrid smell of him, breaking her. She felt his hands at the back of her head, and felt his sickly warm breath in her ear. Briefly, she wondered if he was going to kiss her. When she felt her face slam into the stone below her, she knew that he was going to kill her. Her fingers scraped desperately at the ground, which was slick with blood. Merlin couldn't see, and she didn't want to. The blood and tears were too thick. The sound of Urest grunting as he reached his climax told her that she didn't have much time left. Her body shook as he came inside of her, collapsing on top of her. She couldn't breathe. Merlin waited for him get off of her and finish her off; she welcomed death. The pain would be gone. She felt him pull out, and heard a noise from behind her, and suddenly everything was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

disclaimer: I don't own Merlin. BBC owns Merlin. This is why Merthur isn't technically canon.

**The Aftermath**

* * *

><p>Merlin was taking absolutely forever and Arthur was getting annoyed. It wasn't that hard to collect a few pieces of armor. It was five minutes until the fight started. Exasperated, Arthur grabbed his sword and went to look for Merlin. She had such a nasty habit of disappearing at the most inopportune moments, and then suddenly reappearing, acting as though she had never been gone. She's probably hiding in there with my armor so that I can't fight, Arthur thought, getting cross with her. He'd be damned if he let himself appear a weak ruler because of a stupid suspicion that Merlin had. He appreciated that she wanted him to be safe, but he thought that sometimes, she didn't completely understand what he, as a ruler, needed to do. Other times, however, she was the best counsel that he could ever ask for, and he was eternally grateful. He opened the door to the armory and froze.<p>

Before him was a man, wearing a knight's tunic, but had no pants, rolling off someone on the ground. It was a naked girl, covered in blood, laying limply on the floor. Arthur's stomach dropped as he realized that the girl was Merlin. Without a moments hesitation, he drew his sword, and charged the man, running him through before he even stood. He stabbed the man again and again, until his guts spilled out across the ground. When he was sure the man was dead, Arthur instantly let the sword fall from his hands, and dropped to the ground next to Merlin. The stone was slick with blood, he realized with a sickening feeling. Merlin's blood. As gently as he could, he rolled his friend over so that she was no longer face down. If she was breathing, he couldn't tell. Arthur wanted to vomit. Her face was swollen, covered in blood. Her body was smeared with her own blood, and covered in scratch marks. Blood was dripping between her legs. Blood. So much blood. Arthur lifted her naked body from the ground and left the room, Merlin's attacker's body still bleeding.

He didn't have time to cover her up. Her condition too critical. He couldn't run with her. She seemed to fragile. Arthur walked as quickly as he could, holding back tears as he looked at her broken body. There was a crowd up ahead, and Arthur tried to steer away from it, but Gwaine, who was on the outskirts of it, saw him. The knight's face crumbled when he saw who it was that lay in Arthur's arms.

"Merlin," Gwaine breathed, running to Arthur, "Merlin," he repeated.

Arthur met his eyes.

"Tell everyone that the tournament is cancelled. There's a body in the armory. Make sure that it's fed to the animals," Arthur said, and turned from Gwaine, who was standing in shock, watching Arthur carry away his friend.

Arthur entered Gaius's chambers, where the old man sat reading a book.

"Gaius," sobbed Arthur, unable hold off tears.

Gaius looked up. It took a moment to for the scene before him to register. When it did, he ordered Arthur to lay Merlin on the table. Without a word, Gaius got to work. Arthur ran his hands through his hair, but snapped them back down to his sides as he realized with horror that they were covered with Merlin's blood.

"Is she going to die, Gaius?" he asked fearfully, watching as Gaius cleaned Merlin off.

When Gaius didn't respond, he repeated the question.

"I don't know, Arthur. Not if I can help it," Gaius answered without looking up.

Arthur nodded at him, even though Gaius couldn't see. He paced as Gaius worked, and when he was tired of pacing, he sat down and wiped the tears from his face. After an hour, Merlin stirred for the first time. He leapt to his feet and ran to the side of the table opposite Gaius. Merlin's eyes fluttered open as she regained consciousness. Once she was coherent, she began to scream and cry. Arthur wondered whether it was fear or pain, that caused her to sob so loud. He watched sadly as her eyes looked wildly around the room. She found his eyes and their gazes locked. Her screams and sobs continued, but she didn't break eye contact with Arthur, who's eyes flooded with tears once again. He did his best to hold them back, but again, he failed.

He wanted so badly to hold her close and tell her that everything was alright, but he knew he couldn't. If he so much as touched her, it was sure to put her through massive amounts of pain, and besides, he was never any good at lying to Merlin anyways.

Her hair was matted with blood, but Gaius had cleaned most of it off of her face. There were still trickles of blood coming from her nose, lip and eyebrow, but the thick coating that had been there when he found her was gone. Arthur could hardly bear to look at Merlin's face, so beaten and distorted, but he couldn't bring himself to break his gaze. Gaius was cleaning off the blood that was smeared across Merlin's breasts and ribcage. There were bruises already developing there. Gaius left the table for a moment and returned with a small bottle filled with a green potion.

"What's that?" asked Arthur.

"It will make her go to sleep again. These next few procedures will be very painful, considering her state, and it will be a small mercy to let her be asleep for them," Gaius explained, tipping the potion into Merlin's mouth. She swallowed it with great difficulty, and Arthur noticed the large mark on her throat. Soon, her cries abated and she drifted back off into sleep.

"What are you going to do that will hurt so much?"

"I'll have to examine the damage done by the rape and treat it accordingly. Then, she needs to be bathed and have her ribs wrapped. It appears that several of them are broken," Gaius told him, "If you could see to it that she gets a bath drawn, please, Sire."

"Of course. She can bathe in the tub in my room, and can have my bed," he offered, "It will be more comfortable for her."

"Thank you, Sire. If you could arrange a way for me to transport her discretely to your chambers..."

Arthur nodded and glanced back at Merlin once more before he left. Outside of the room, he let out a breath that he didn't know he had been holding. Arthur was glad that he had something to do, rather than stare at Merlin and wonder if she would live or die.

The halls were empty, but Arthur could hear people beginning to come back inside. In the corridor outside of his room, Arthur met Gwen.

"Arthur!" she exclaimed, "What's the matter?"

She gestured at his red eyes and the blood that covered his clothes.

"Merlin," he said. Her eyes grew wide with horror.

"Is she...?" Gwen trailed off, unable to bring herself to say it.

"No. Almost, but no. Listen, if you could draw up a hot bath in my room for her, I'm going to find the knights to help get her up here without too many people noticing."

Gwen nodded.

"Arthur, what happened to her?"

He took a deep breath.

"A man beat her half to death and he ra-"

Gwen cut him off.

"Oh god," she said, brown eyes brimming with tears.

Arthur hugged her, and smoothed the her hair, telling her that it was going to be alright.

When Gwen had regained her composure slightly, Arthur left. On his way outside, he thought about what he would say to the knights. They were all so protective, so loving towards Merlin. This was going to break their hearts. He found the knights just outside the armory. They were stoney faced as Arthur approached. He knew that they knew something bad had happened, but he didn't know if Gwaine had told them exactly what.

"I don't know if Gwaine told you, but the reason the tournament has been cancelled, and that there is a dead man in there, is because that dead man brutally attacked and beat Merlin, and," his voice cracked, "he violently raped her."

There was a sharp intake of breath. They hadn't known, then.

"You are not to tell anyone of this, understood? I have probably broken Merlin's trust already by telling you without her permission, but I know that you all care for her deeply and will respect her privacy."

They nodded.

"Now, I need your help in getting Merlin discretely from Gaius's rooms to mine, where she will remain until she is healed enough to return to her own."

They nodded again. Arthur had surprised himself with how calm and collected he sounded. Inside he wasn't feeling that at all. As the knights followed him to Gaius's, he grew more and more nervous about seeing Merlin again. Her limp form on the table had been too much for him. As he opened the door, the knights, who weren't talking anyways, became almost completely silent.

Gaius had covered Merlin in a sheet so she wasn't so exposed. The knights stood at the door, waiting as Arthur asked Gaius if it was alright to pick Merlin up. When he had Gaius's approval, he gently lifted her from the table and carried her to where the knights were standing. They surrounded him, forming a sort of shield to hide Merlin and Arthur from view. They moved as quickly as they could, Gaius following with his kit of medical supplies.

Gwen was waiting nervously in Arthur's room next to the hot bath. She paled when she saw Merlin unconscious in Arthur's arms.

"If all of you but Gwen could leave, please," suggested Gaius, "You too Arthur."

He stayed where he was.

"I'm not leaving. She's my- she's my best friend," he admitted, "I have to be here. I need to be."

"Very well," sighed Gaius, knowing that had their positions been reversed, Merlin would never have left Arthur's side either, "Slide her into the tub. Gwen, if you could wash out her hair and scrub the blood from the rest of her body?"

Gwen nodded and got to work, rinsing Merlin's hair as gently as she possibly could.

Arthur leaned on his bed and watched them clean Merlin. When they finished, Gaius asked for Arthur to lift her out of the tub and hold her up as they dried her off. Gaius wrapped her ribs up tightly, as well as her head, where some of the wounds were still bleeding.

"Put her in the bed," Gaius instructed.

Arthur obliged, and placed Merlin delicately on the turned down sheets, and pulled them up over her with care. She lay there asleep, and Arthur reflected on how any other day, Merlin laying naked in his bed would have been the most welcome sight in the world. The way that her breaths were coming, light and shallow, made his heart ache. Merlin was his best friend and he loved her as such. He loved her as more. To see anyone in such pain was terrible, but seeing Merlin like that was enough to drive him mad. He should have been there, he thought, he should have been there to protect her. She had saved his life over and over; he had owed it to her to save her, but when she had needed him most, he hadn't been there for her. He cursed himself for letting this happen to her, staring at her battered face.

"Sire, this is not your fault," Gaius said quietly, "There was no way that you could have known what was happening." He patted Arthur's shoulder, and met his eyes, "If you had not gotten there when you did, he would have killed her without a doubt."

Arthur shuddered. The man had looked inhuman, animalistic as he had raised himself from Merlin's body. He was a beast and Arthur had slaughtered him as such.

"There is nothing more that I can do for her now," Gaius acknowledged, "It is very likely that she will pull through," he smiled slightly, "Come and get me if she wakes for more than a minute or two. These are sleeping draughts and medicines to reduce the pain," he said, handing Arthur vials of liquid, "Gwen, could you help me clean up back in my rooms? I'm afraid there's rather a large mess."

"Of course, Gaius," Gwen replied, and kissed Merlin's forehead before leaving with Gaius.

Arthur watched them go. He knew Gaius well enough to know that the man's disposition didn't reflect the pain and anger that he felt within. Gaius was a man who worked to keep his mind off of things, and Arthur knew that he would be able to find him later that night, still working on something, anything, to keep thoughts of Merlin's fate from his mind.

Arthur, on the other hand, didn't think that anything he could be doing would take his mind off of Merlin and what had happened to her. He didn't know if anything ever would. She looked so tiny in his bed, so breakable.

The door to Arthur's chambers burst open, and he jumped, expecting to see Gaius. His uncle, Agravaine strode in instead, walking quickly to Arthur.

"Sire, I've been looking for you everywhere. Why have you cancelled the tournament? You were scheduled to fight. Not doing so would seem to be an act of cowardice, and that isn't the face you wish to present to your people," Agravaine proclaimed.

"It will come to your attention shortly, Uncle, that we are not alone in this room, and you would do best to keep your voice down. I have my reasons for canceling the tournament, and I assure that they are not cowardly reasons at all," Arthur responded curtly.

Agravaine looked around the room for this third party that Arthur was talking about. His eyes fell on Merlin, asleep in Arthur's bed.

"Ah, I see. What a terrible, terrible thing," he drawled, his lips curling, "But Sire, she is only a servant, and there are plenty more servants to take care of her while the tournament goes on. You must fight and present a strong face to your people."

Arthur's face hardened.

"She is my friend, Uncle. She is my friend and it is my duty to make sure that she is safe. I will not fight, and nor will anyone else," Arthur declared angrily.

Agravaine rubbed his temples and shook his head.

"Very well, Sire, but I fear you are making a grave mistake," he glanced towards the bed where Merlin lay, "Give her my regards, if she wakes."

He left the room, leaving Arthur fuming.

Arthur turned to glance at Merlin, and saw that she was awake, and staring at the ceiling. He rushed to her side.

"Merlin!" he gasped, a broad smile spreading across his face.

She stared at the ceiling.

"Merlin," he repeated, softly, his smile fading.

She was crying silently, refusing to look at him. He reached out to touch her, but she flinched away from him. His heart sank.

"Merlin, I'm going to stay here with you, if that's alright. If it's not, just... blink or something, alright?"

She stared at the ceiling, but didn't blink. The tears were still coming, and Arthur wanted so badly to wipe them away but he knew that he couldn't.

"Do you want to go back to sleep? Blink if you do," he said quietly.

She blinked.

"Can you open your mouth?"

She opened her bruised and swollen lips slightly. He carefully tipped the vial's contents into her mouth and grimaced as he watched her swallow the liquid with great difficulty. Before long, she faded back into sleep, and Arthur sank back into a chair near the bed.

He must have fallen asleep at some point, because the next thing he knew, it was dark outside and someone had just entered the room.

"Arthur?" called Gaius, walking around the bed to him, "I think that you should get some sleep in a real bed. The servants can set up another room for you, or you could sleep in Merlin's room."

Arthur nodded stiffly and got up. He stared at Merlin for a moment, and then left the room. Before going to Merlin's room, he decided to go to the kitchen and grab a snack, since he hadn't eaten all day. He walked in, expecting it to be empty, but to his surprise the knights were all there. They were sitting somberly around a large wooden table, none of them speaking to one another.

"How is she?" asked Leon nervously.

"She is asleep. Gaius is with her now."

He swallowed the lump that was rising in his throat.

"Are you alright?" Gwaine asked.

Arthur nodded weakly and picked a piece of bread up from the table. He said his goodbyes and left the knights in the kitchen.

Back in Merlin's room, he collapsed on her bed. It was small, old and uncomfortable, but it smelled like her. He buried his face in the pillow and breathed in her scent. It was a clean scent, comforting him, driving the smell of blood from his brain. He pulled the white sheets up around him, and clung to them. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to drive the images of Merlin splayed out, broken on the floor. He tried to think of something warm, something kind, something funny. But all he could think of was Merlin's blood, pooling on the cold stone floor.


	3. Chapter 3

disclaimer: I don't own Merlin. BBC owns Merlin. This is why Merthur isn't technically canon.

**The Aftermath**

* * *

><p>Light flooded into the room, waking Merlin from her dreamless sleep. At first, she didn't know where she was, or why she was there. And then it hit her. All the pain came rushing back, tearing her apart from the inside out.<p>

She should've died back there in the armory. She wished that she had. Every breath that she took felt like she was being stabbed, and every time that she swallowed, she choked a little bit with pain. She couldn't move her face, or lift her arms. By the time the pain between her legs registered in her brain, Merlin was already in tears.

Tenuously, she raised herself, inch by inch, wincing as she forced her body into a sitting position. She wondered if she had enough strength to do magic. Experimentally, she whispered an incantation to relieve some of her agony. In an instant, she felt some of her pain disappear.

At least she had her magic back. Merlin shuddered, remembering the words that had taken all her power away, stripping her of protection. She had never felt so vulnerable, so helpless as she had in those few seconds after she realized that she couldn't do magic. It had been as if everything around her had suddenly sped up to an unbelievable pace and she couldn't catch up to it. The pain had been nothing compared to the fear, she thought. Pain either subsided or it killed you, but fear, fear stayed with you forever, haunting your footsteps and hanging in the back of your mind. Merlin feared being weak, being unable to protect herself or Arthur, or anyone that needed her.

She tore her thoughts from her fears as the door to Arthur's room opened. She hoped that it was Gaius; she didn't know if she could face Arthur.

When she saw who it was, she let out a soft moan. Arthur was staring at her, wide eyed. She tried to pull the covers up over her to hide her naked and bruised form, but she couldn't. Merlin could feel Arthur's eyes on her face as he walked to her bedside. She couldn't meet his gaze, and looked away, her face burning with humiliation.

"Merlin..." he started, his voice soft. He couldn't seem to think of what to say, and fell silent.

She pointedly stared straight ahead of her, a flush creeping up her broken body. There was no way that she could look at Arthur.

He reached out to touch her, and she flinched as he made contact with her skin, but didn't protest as he stroked her arm, fingers light as feathers. How could he bear to touch her? She could still feel Urset's hands and body pressing all over her, pulling her apart, and it made her feel dirty. Tears of shame trickled down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry," she whispered when she could think of nothing useful to say, "I think I've bled on your clean sheets."

"Sheets can be cleaned, Merlin. It's not your fault."

She wondered if he was talking about the bleeding.

"Do you need anything?" he asked concernedly.

"Something for the pain would be nice."

He grabbed one of the vials that Gaius had given him.

"Can you do it yourself?"

"No."

"Alright. If you could open your mouth..." he tipped the liquid into her mouth, and she swallowed it. Instantly she felt warmer, and her muscles relaxed.

"What do you remember about yesterday?" he asked tentatively.

"I remember what happened," she replied shortly.

Arthur nodded awkwardly.

"I should go get Gaius. He wanted to know when you woke up."

He stood and walked away, looking back over his shoulder, as if Merlin might disappear at any moment.

When he returned with Gaius, Merlin had, with great hardship, managed to cover herself with the sheets. Gaius sat down next to her on the bed.

"How are you feeling, Merlin?" he inquired, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Every little bit of me hurts, Gaius. It feels like I'm being torn apart," she said in a small voice.

"I expected so," he said, pulling a vial full of a golden liquid from his medical supplies, "Take this; it will help restore some of your strength so that your body will heal faster on its own."

The look that he gave her clearly meant that the potion would help her use her magic to heal herself.

He was right. Merlin's strength flooded back into her body, and she sighed. She glanced at Arthur, who was standing in the corner of the room, watching the two of them.

"I can't heal myself if he's here," she murmured to Gaius, almost inaudibly.

He nodded ever so slightly, and turned to Arthur.

"Sire, if you could please leave for a few moments, I have to inspect some of Merlin's injuries and redress her wounds."

Arthur opened his mouth to protest, but thought better of it, after seeing the look on Merlin's face. He nodded to the two of them and walked outside the room.

Merlin muttered several incantations under her breath, and her eyes glowed gold. She could feel the magic working its way through her body. Of course, she couldn't heal herself entirely, or heal the superficial wounds, because that would make everyone suspicious, but she removed most of her pain.

"Much better," she sighed, sinking back into the pillow.

Gaius studied her face.

"Merlin, if you wish to speak about what hap-"

"I don't need to," she interrupted quickly, "I'll be fine."

Gaius frowned but nodded.

"Very well. But if you should change your mind, you know that you can always talk to me," he stated.

Merlin nodded slightly, not trusting herself to speak. Gaius placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Get some more sleep. I'll be back later."

After he left, Merlin tried to let her mind go blank, but failed, unable to get Urest out of her head. The taste of her blood and stone was still in her mouth, and she wondered if it would ever go away. She pressed her face into the pillow, but it suffocated her, and she was back in the armory, Urest laying on her chest. Gasping for air, she sat up straight, pain shooting through her body once again. She incanted the spells again, and the pain receded, but she still couldn't sleep. Her mind swam with images from the day before, and she felt the urge to vomit. She held it down, and squeezed her eyes shut. Eventually, she fell asleep from the sheer exhaustion of trying to.

–

Arthur joined the knights, who were training in the grass. While they hacked away at each other with great strength, he could tell that their hearts weren't really in it. Gwaine and Elyan stopped swinging at one another when Arthur approached, and he could tell what was on all of their minds.

"How is she?" asked Gwaine, his face full of worry.

"She was awake. She's in a lot of pain, but she'll live. Gaius was treating her, but he said that he had told her to go back to sleep," he informed them.

Leon stepped forward.

"Arthur, there's something that I think you should know," he said.

Arthur looked at him inquisitively.

"What is it?"

"Well, yesterday, when we checked out the armory, I recognized the dead man," Leon was biting his lip.

"From where?" Arthur replied sharply.

"He was registered for the tournament. I don't really know anything about him, but two days ago, Merlin came to me and inquired as to who he was. When we looked him up in the registry, we learned that his name was Urest, and that he was scheduled to fight you in the first match of the day," Leon explained, "When Merlin realized that, she ran off, looking rather worried."

Arthur's eyes widened and realization smacked him over the head. Urest was the man that Merlin had warned him about, the one who was going to kill him. He had ignored her, like he always did, and instead of him paying the price for his stupidity, it was Merlin. Arthur was going to be sick. He keeled over and vomited on the grass. It was all his fault, all of this. Urest must have known Arthur would never back down from a fight, but when Merlin found out about his plan, something would have to be done about her, and why just kill her when he could have fun with it as well? Arthur retched. His head was spinning. His fault, all of it. He was stupid, so very stupid. Why did he never listen to Merlin? She was always right about these things. Picking up the nearest sword, got up and lunged at the practice dummy, hacking, cutting and slicing away at it in anger and frustration as the knights looked on. He swung the sword with all his strength, so hard that it bent, so he threw it to the ground and started hitting the dummy with his fists instead. When he was done, he collapsed to the ground.

"You may go," he said to the knights.

Everyone left but Gwaine, who lingered behind and sat down next to Arthur.

"It's all my fault Gwaine. You were there, you heard what she said. Why didn't I listen to her?" his voice had an edge of hysteria to it.

"It is not your fault, Arthur. It is no one's fault other than that – that man's. And you paid him back in kind," Gwaine said, patting Arthur's shoulder, "You saved her from death, and everyone is grateful. We all care for Merlin deeply, each in our own ways. She's a strong girl, the strongest I know. If anyone can pull through this, it's Merlin," he reassured.

Arthur hoped so. With a nod to Gwaine, he got up and walked back to the castle, trying to let Gwaine's words convince him. They didn't. It was his fault that this had happened to Merlin and there was no way around it. He went back to Gaius's, and sat in Merlin's room, staring at the floor. He sat there all day, and fell asleep there that night. When he woke in the morning, he paced around the tiny bed, trying to decide what to do. Finally, he left the room.

When he opened the door to his own chambers, he was shocked to find Merlin standing by the window. When he had last seen her, she could barely lift her arms, and now she was up and walking around. She turned when she heard him come in.

"Arthur?" she said, concerned, "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"I'm sorry," he apologized, "I'm so so sorry."

"For what?" she asked, walking towards him.

"This," he gestured at her beaten body, "It's all my fault," he sobbed, "If I had just listened to you...Merlin, I'm so sorry."

She reached out and touched his face, her cool hands calming him down. He let out a deep breath.

"Listen to me Arthur, this is not your fault."

"I'm so sorry," he repeated, "What I did was... unforgivable."

"Arthur, there is nothing to forgive," she reiterated, "It was not your fault, and nothing you say can convince me otherwise, so don't even try." She smiled at him, though the action caused her pain.

She stroked his face, wiping away his tears.

This was all wrong, he thought. She should not be the one comforting him; he had to be strong for her, not the other way around, but that was Merlin all over again: putting Arthur before herself every time. Well, not anymore, not if he could help it.

"Do you want anything to eat?" he said.

"Yeah. If you could get me something nice and hot?"

"I'll see what I can do," Arthur told her, "Stay here." He turned to leave the room.

"Where do you think I'd go, you clotpole?"

Never had he been so happy to be insulted.

When Arthur left, Merlin let out the tears that she had been holding back. It hurt her so much that Arthur could ever think that this was his fault. She would never have in a million years blamed him for it. He couldn't have known what was going to happen. If anything, it had been her fault, she thought, since she could've hunted Urest down after he had attacked that girl. She could have stopped him right then and there, but she didn't. She had let him go, and this was where it got her. Hearing the return of Arthur's footsteps outside the door, she quickly wiped away the tears and hobbled over to the bed.

"I managed to get you some pot roast and potatoes. Not the best, but I was assured they were hot," he said, carrying a large tray towards her.

"I never thought I'd see the day that you were bringing me food," Merlin said, trying to force herself to smile. It hurt too much to laugh.

"Yeah, well, don't get too used to it. We can't have you thinking that you're really- oh what's Gwaine's nickname for you? Princess? We can't have you thinking you're one of those," Arthur chuckled, looking down his nose at Merlin, who had dug straight into her food.

Every swallow was painful, but the food was so warm and delicious that Merlin didn't mind. She ate in silence. When she was finished, she handed the plate back to Arthur.

"Anything else?" he asked.

"I could use a bath, if that's not too much trouble," she suggested.

"Of course not. I'll have someone bring the water right up," he said helpfully, and left again.

Arthur returned with two servants carrying water for the tub. They poured it in and left. Arthur turned to follow them, but Merlin called him back.

"Wait! I need your help to get down into the tub," she admitted embarrassedly.

"Of course," he mumbled, "Stupid of me."

Merlin undid the knot that tied the dressing gown she was wearing, and slipped it off, without looking at Arthur. He let out a low hiss of anger when he saw her body, the dark bruises and scrapes that covered it contrasting so much with her pale skin.

"How should I do this?" he asked.

"Uh," Merlin thought for a moment, "If you could just hold my arms steady as I step in, and help lower me down?"

"Sure."

Merlin flinched when Arthur touched her, but let him grasp her from beneath the arms. Carefully, they worked together, lowering Merlin's body into the water. When she was submerged, she let out a loud sigh of relief.

"I'm going to be quite a while, I think," Merlin said, "It just feels so nice."

"I'll be back later to help you get out then," Arthur muttered awkwardly.

"Thank you, Arthur."

"It's nothing."

He left.

The warm water soothed Merlin's skin, relaxing her muscles and relieving her joints. She soaked for a while, letting the feeling of the heated water on her skin take her mind off of everything. It went so nicely for a while.

Her calm, however, turned to mild panic as she inspected her naked body. The bruises covered her skin, making her look so dirty. Her skin crawled as she remembered how they got there. Urest was throwing her to the floor, kicking her in the ribs, pulling her to her knees. Merlin's breathing quickened and she reached for the wash cloth and began to scrub at the bruises that covered herself. She scrubbed herself like she was cleaning a floor, scouring her skin with the rough material. She could still smell him on her, his stinking scent clinging her her skin. Merlin scrubbed harder. Soon, she had rubbed the skin raw and she was bleeding into the tub. The water had long since grown cold. The cloth was covered in her blood but Merlin didn't notice. She had to clean her sullied body. Her blood spread through the water and she scrubbed even harder. When she couldn't rid herself of the marks, she hugged her knees to her chest, even though it was painful, clutching the bloody wash cloth in her hands, shaking in the cold water.

–

"Merlin," Arthur called, walking into his room, "I've brought you some tea."

He dropped the tray that he was holding when he saw her.

Sitting in the tub with her knees drawn up to her chin, Merlin was shaking. His heart dropped when he saw what was in her hands: a was cloth covered in her own blood. Her skin was rubbed raw and bleeding. Arthur raced to her side. Quickly he scooped her out of the tub and wrapped her shaking body in a towel. He moved to the bed, where he sat down, cradling Merlin to his body.

"Merlin," he whispered urgently, moving wet hair out of her face, "Merlin look at me."

She looked up at him.

"Merlin what were you thinking?"

"I just had to be clean," she told him, "But I couldn't do it. I couldn't clean myself."

"Oh Merlin," he murmured sadly.

They sat there like that for a long while, until Merlin fell asleep, and he placed her under the covers and went to tell Gaius what had happened.

"She said that she had to clean herself. She scrubbed her skin half off, Gaius!" Arthur recounted with horror.

"Is she alright now?"

"She's asleep," Arthur informed him, "Gaius why would she do something like that? Do you think that she's going to try to kill herself?"

"I very much doubt that, Sire. What you have to understand is the mental stress that something like this can cause someone, and how they choose to deal with it. Obviously, that isn't a healthy way to deal with it, but I find it highly unlikely that Merlin is suicidal. People can hurt themselves without wanting to die."

Arthur nodded his head, not at all reassured.

"She's a fast healer," continued Gaius, "and far stronger than you give her credit for. Trust me when I say that I think Merlin will be all right. She'll need you to be there for her, no doubt, but I have faith that she can get through this."

Arthur sighed and slunk off to sleep in Merlin's room again.

–

The next morning, Merlin woke to the sound of someone moving about next to the bed. When she cracked an eye open, she saw that it was Gwen, standing by her side, shuffling her feet nervously. Merlin smiled as broadly as her face let her.

"Good morning Gwen!"

"Merlin!" Gwen exclaimed, "Oh, I'm sorry! Did I wake you? I can leave if you like. I didn't mean to!"

"Oh Gwen it's so good to see you," Merlin remarked happily.

"It's good to see you too, Merlin," smiled Gwen, taking a seat on the bed, "You look so much better already."

"Do I? I haven't taken a look at myself for a few days, and I'm not sure if I want to," replied Merlin darkly.

"Well, take it from me then. Your face is healing up nicely, and from what Gaius has told me, your strength and mobility have improved enormously."

"I guess I'll have to take your word for it then," said Merlin, "Listen, Gwen, do you think that you could go get me some of my clothes? I think I'd like to go for a walk."

"Are you sure that you're up to that, Merlin?" asked Gwen skeptically.

Merlin smiled at her.

"Yes Gwen, I'm sure. If it makes you feel any better, I won't go that far," Merlin assured her.

"Arlight," said Gwen, still looking a little nervous, "I'll be right back."

When she returned, she rewrapped the bandages around Merlin's ribs and helped her dress. It was the loosest dress that Merlin had, and it hung on her thin frame, making her look smaller than she really was. Gwen finished wrapping the bandage on Merlin's head, and looked her over.

"I think you're good to go," Gwen declared, "Are you sure you still want to go?"

"I'll be fine, Gwen. Don't worry."

Gwen watched her friend walk out of the room, limping slightly, and wondered whether this had been a bad idea.

Merlin made her way to the battlements, where she stopped to rest, looking out over Camelot. It was a cool morning, and light breeze sent shivers through her skin. Below, children ran through the streets, kicking and chasing a ball between them.

"Good morning."

Merlin jumped.

"Sorry," Arthur apologized quickly, "Didn't mean to startle you."

"It's alright. How'd you know where I was?"

"Gwen said you went for a walk. I guessed that you came here," he shrugged.

There was a pregnant silence.

"Look," she began, "I'm sorry about last night. I don't know what came over me. It seemed like the right thing to do; obviously it wasn't. I was being stupid. It won't happen again."

"Merlin, you weren't being stupid," Arthur said seriously, "You've been through a lot in the past few days. There might have been a better way to deal with it, but no one is angry with you."

Merlin turned her gaze from the town below to Arthur. She met his eyes.

"I'll always be here for you, Merlin," Arthur vowed solemnly.

Merlin acknowledged him with a small nod.

"Just please don't ever scare me like that again," he breathed, "I don't know what I'd do if I lost you."

"Get eaten by some wayward monster within a day, no doubt," Merlin said with a slight smile,

"And you'd have to walk around without your clothes because clearly you have no idea how to dress yourself," she pointed to his outfit.

"I am perfectly capable of dressing my self, _Mer_lin," replied Arthur, pretending to be affronted.

Melrin almost giggled.

–


	4. Chapter 4

****disclaimer: I don't own Merlin. BBC owns Merlin. This is why Merthur isn't technically canon.

**The Aftermath**

* * *

><p>A week after her attack, Merlin had used magic to heal all of her internal injuries and rid herself of pain. The bruises and cuts remained, of course, but they were far less prominent than they had been before. Her dreams were still haunted by Urest, and she would wake in the middle of the night, shaking, alone in Arthur's bed. She hadn't been outside much; Gaius thought it best for her to stay inside the castle for the time being, so the only people she had really seen were Arthur, Gaius and Gwen. She missed the knights, who hadn't been in to see her, since they were out on a quest. Merlin missed them all, but she missed Gwaine the most. Talking with him was easy; there was just something about him that made her able to simply tell him everything that was on her mind. There was never that awkwardness with him that there was with Arthur, she never felt like she had to protect him. With Arthur, she could never tell him how much she was hurting, because she saw the pain in his eyes when he looked at her. He wouldn't be able to take it. Merlin could tell that he still blamed himself for what had happened, so divulging her fear and despair to him would just make him hate himself more, and she could never do that to him. That was why she needed Gwaine, Merlin thought as she waited for Gaius to come for her daily check up.<p>

"How are you today, Merlin?" the physician asked as he unpacked his medical kit.

"Fine," she said, "Nothing really hurts anymore. I've healed myself pretty well."

Gaius looked as if he was going to ask her another question, but refrained when Merlin spoke again.

"I was thinking it was time for me to move back to my own room and resume my duties," she suggested hopefully.

"Are you sure that you're up to it?"

"Gaius, I can't just sit in this room forever. I need to do something, and move on instead of being stuck in here," she smashed her fists down on the bedspread in frustration.

Gaius sighed but nodded.

"Very well, Merlin, if you think that you are ready."

She nodded eagerly.

"I never thought I'd see you so happy to go back to doing chores for Arthur," he mused.

"Me neither," she replied, laughing a little.

"Well, we should probably move you back into your room then. I'll leave kicking Arthur out to you," said Gaius, smiling warmly at Merlin.

"What?" asked Merlin confusedly, "Why's Arthur in my room?"

"He didn't tell you?" Gaius raised an eyebrow, "He's been sleeping there for the last week."

"I didn't know..."

Why on Earth would he being doing that? There were plenty of other rooms in the castle. There was no need for him to sleep in her uncomfortable old bed. Merlin felt a little guilty for having taken Arthur's room from him for the last week.

Merlin and Gaius walked back to their rooms. When they opened the door, Merlin smiled broadly. It was good to be home. There were books and plates strewn across the room, like usual, and Merlin had never been happier to smell the experimental potions that Gaius had brewing.

The door to her room was shut, presumably with Arthur inside it. Taking a breath, she pushed it open. Arthur was laying on her bed, reading a book, as if he were at home in his own room. He jumped when she entered.

"Merlin!" he said in surprise, "What're you doing here?"

"I've come to reclaim my room," she announced, and then added, "I didn't know you were sleeping in here. I wouldn't have stolen your room from you if I'd known that this is where you ended up."

"Nonsense, it was my idea for us to trade. And what do you mean 'reclaim your room'?" he asked, his brows knitting together.

"I've decided, with Gaius's approval, of course, that it's time for things to go back to normal," she informed him, "I can sleep in my own room, and get back to my duties."

Arthur frowned at her.

"Are you sure that you're alright?" he inquired.

"Arthur, if I have to spend one more day cooped up in your room, doing nothing other than staring outside miserably, I think I'll die."

"Fine," Arthur agreed, albeit slightly unwillingly, "Things will go back to normal, starting tomorrow."

"Thank you, Arthur," gushed Merlin, beaming.

He smiled a little at her enthusiasm and left her in her room.

–

Merlin was going to kill Arthur. It may have been her job to protect him, but she was going to kill him. Since the day that she went back to work, he had hovered around her, constantly asking if everything was alright, or if she needed any help, or if she wanted a break. She knew that he meant well, and she really appreciated his concern for her well being, but she needed some space to allow herself to think.

"Arthur," she gripped his shoulders, "I am doing fine. Now please, let me do my job."

"Yes, sorry. Of course," he muttered, and went back to doing whatever he had been doing.

Merlin sighed. It had been over a month since the attack, and Arthur still acted as if she could break any at any second. There was nothing that she could do to discourage his over protectiveness. He had taken it upon himself to make sure that Merlin never received so much as a scratch in her line of duty. Merlin was grateful to have such a good friend that wanted to look out for her, but treating her as if she was made of porcelain was not helping her feel normal again.

As she swept the floor, she could feel Arthur's eyes on her back, drilling a hole into it with their concern.

"Oh, what is the matter with you?" she inquired loudly in an exasperated tone.

"Nothing!" he said.

"What's wrong, Arthur?"

"I swear, it's nothing," he maintained.

"It's something."

"Fine," he put down the papers that he had in his hand and walked towards her, "I'm just worried about you. I just want to make sure that you're doing all right."

Merlin exhaled and looked into his eyes.

"Arthur," she began, "I know what you're doing, and I know why. But _please_ listen to me when I say that I don't need you breathing down my neck every minute of the day in order to make sure that I'm doing alright. If anything, that makes it harder for me to get past all of this. If you keep treating me as if I'm made of glass, one day I might start to believe it, and where would I be then?"

She smiled sadly at him.

"I'm so glad that I have you," she continued, "And that I can know you will always be there for me. But please believe me when I say that I am doing fine. If I want to talk to you about it, I'll talk to you about it."

Merlin placed a hand on his cheek and watched as he closed his eyes at her touch.

It was early morning and a thin mist hung in the air as Merlin was enjoying watching Arthur and the knights train. He was sparring with Leon, while the others cheered them on. Gwaine removed himself from their group and trotted over to where Merlin was sitting on the grass, polishing armor.

"They're have quite a lot of fun, aren't they," said Merlin happily, gazing at her friends.

"They do seem to be enjoying themselves rather a lot," he agreed, running a hand through his hair.

Merlin smiled. She was so glad that the knights were back, and she had Gwaine to talk to. She hadn't told him everything, but she had told him about Arthur, and why she was so frustrated. He understood.

"I wish Gaius and Arthur would let me go with you all when you leave tomorrow. I could do for a change of scenery," she confessed.

"I bet you could," he said, "But they're just concerned. I know that Gaius wants to keep you close to home for a while yet."

"I know, I just wish that I-" she broke off, the sudden urge to vomit overtaking her.

She got up from the ground and sprinted back behind the tent that was set up in the field. She grabbed her knees and vomited onto the ground. A low groan passed through her lips. She heard Gwaine's hurried footsteps approaching, and tried to right herself, but he got there too soon. A look of utmost concern was plastered on his face.

"Are you alright?" he asked, placing a hand on her shoulder

"Yeah, just something I ate," she mumbled, wishing that it was true.

He narrowed his eyes.

"Merlin," he sighed, "You can tell me, you know."

"Tell you what?" she cried softly, her eyes filling with tears.

"You're pregnant, aren't you?"

She didn't meet his eyes, but she nodded.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," Merlin divulged, "I've been vomiting every morning, and I should have got my period more than a week ago."

She blushed with shame.

"You mustn't tell anyone," she blurted, panic rising, "None of the knights, or even Gaius. Especially not Arthur!"

Her eyes were full of fear.

"Merlin, you can't just hide a pregnancy," he told her, "It just isn't practical."

"I'm not going to hide the pregnancy, I'm going to leave," she confided, her voice no more than a whisper.

"Leave," he choked, his voice cracking, "Leave for where? Your friends are here, Merlin. You know that we will be here for you."

"I'll go back to Ealdor while you are gone on your quest," she said, "I've already packed my things."

"Merlin..."

"I'll come back," she promised, "I just can't do this here. I can't face the rumors. I can't face what this will do to Arthur."

"Merlin, you leaving will damage him far worse than staying and having a child," Gwaine warned her.

She sighed.

"I'm sorry, I really am. Just promise you won't tell anyone, please," she pleaded.

"Fine," said Gwaine, "But just promise me that you'll be safe."

"I will be," she tried to smile at him, but only tears came instead.

He hugged her.

"I'm going to go back up to the castle," she sniffed.

"Just promise me that you'll come back one day, Princess," Gwaine said, his voice full of pain.

"One day," she didn't even bother to chide him for using his nickname for her.

She turned and left, not seeing the tears that trickled down Gwaine's face.

–

Arthur had finished sparring with Leon and saw Merlin hurrying off to the castle, and Gwaine walking back towards them. Frowning, he approached Gwaine.

"Where's Merlin off to?" he inquired curiously.

"She had to do something for Gaius," said Gwaine, his voice lacking its usual humor.

"Is she alright?" Arthur asked, looking over Gwaine's shoulder at Merlin.

"Yeah, it's nothing to do with her," he said, "She just remembered something that he had asked her to do, but she forgot. She said that she'd be in for it if he found out."

"How very like Merlin," Arthur mused, "She's always running off and forgetting things, isn't she?"

"Yes, that she is. Always running off," said Gwaine, a funny look coming across his face that Arthur couldn't quite interpret.

–

The next morning was hurried. As they saddled their horses, Arthur looked around for Merlin, who had promised that she would see them off. He was beginning to think that she wasn't coming just to spite him; she had been so angry when he had said she couldn't come. A few minutes before they were set to leave, however, she rushed down the steps of the castle.

"Sorry I'm late," she panted, "Had to do something for Gaius."

She then proceeded to say goodbye to the knights, which was strange, since they were only going to be gone for a few days. When she approached Gwaine, Arthur tensed as the knight hugged her to him as though he would lose her forever if he let go. He saw her whisper something in his ear, which caused Gwaine to smile, albeit a little sadly. Merlin kissed his cheek and then walked over to Arthur.

She stood there, and didn't speak for a moment. He opened his mouth to say something, but shut it as she wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into a quiet embrace. He returned it, squeezing her gently, and wondering what had brought all this on. He liked the feeling of her warm body pressed against his, and wished that he could keep her there forever. When they broke apart, she looked up into his face.

"Bye then, Merlin," he said.

"Goodbye, Arthur," she said, and walked away.

Arthur mounted his horse and they rode off. He glanced back, wishing that he was with Merlin.

–

When Gaius was finally asleep, Merlin crept from her room, all her things packed into a bag. On the table, she left a note for Gaius and a note for Gwen before glancing back forlornly at the familiar room. She inhaled its scent for the last time and left.

The stables were empty and eerily quiet, what with all of the knights' horses being gone. It sent shivers down Merlin's spine as she tried to avoid looking in the darkest corners, for fear that Urest would step out of the shadows. She saddled her horse and headed out into the night alone. Cold wind blew her hair into her face, and chilled her through her cloak. Briefly, she looked back towards Camelot before she entered the woods and wondered if she should have left a note for Arthur as well. The letters that she had left Gwen and Gaius had been short, just explaining that for the time being, she couldn't stay in Camelot, but that one day she would return. They didn't say where she was going, only to not come looking for her. She thanked them for everything that they had ever done for her and apologized for her inability to stay. She loved them very much and she wished that they would someday forgive her for leaving. Your friend always, Merlin. When she had put her pen down after writing them, the full weight of her decision had hit her. She was leaving. Really leaving, not just going home for a day or two. Of course, Merlin realized that she couldn't stay in Ealdor forever, because of destiny and all that. She had to be there to protect Arthur, and after she had this baby, she would return and continue with her duties. If he took her back at all.

The road before Merlin stretched on into the darkness and her eyes grew heavy as the night wore on. Every so often, she had to jerk herself out of sleep, shock herself into consciousness. She couldn't stop, she decided. All she had to do was get to Ealdor and then she could sleep as long as she liked.

The first rays of sun were spreading across the morning sky as Merlin headed over the hills that lay just beyond Ealdor. From the top she could see her village, her childhood home. There was smoke rising from the houses as people were just beginning to get up. Winding her way down the hill, Merlin thought about what she would say to her mother. With a sudden jolt of fear, she realized that she had no idea what to tell Hunith. No matter how she put it, it would break her mother's heart.

Merlin tied her horse up on the outskirts of the village and walked determinedly towards her house, toting her rucksack. She knocked on the door and waited. A few moments later, Hunith answered, bleary eyed. Upon seeing her daughter, she did a double take.

"Merlin!" Hunith gasped in shock, "What on earth are you doing here? Come in, love."

Stepping across the threshold, Merlin smiled at her mother.

"I've come home mother," Merlin told her.

"Well, I can see that," Hunith said, "But why?"

She stared at her daughter, taking her in. It had been more than a year since she had last seen Merlin, and something was different. Her smile seemed forced and there were dark circles under her eyes. Her cheekbones were even more prominent than they had been before.

"Merlin, what happened?" she asked, concerned.

Merlin took a deep breath.

"I'm pregnant," she stated.

"Pregnant?" exclaimed Hunith, eyes bulging, "Oh, Merlin, who's the father?"

"It doesn't matter," mumbled Merlin, looking away.

Hunith turned her daughter's head back towards her.

"Is it Arthur's? Did something happen, and he sent you away because of the scandal it would cause?" she suggested, a hint of anger in her voice. She had seen how he had looked at her daughter, but had thought he would be a decent sort of man and not send Merlin packing.

She had thought he was in love with her.

"No! Mum! It's not Arthur," Merlin exclaimed indignantly, "It could never be Arthur."

Merlin's eyes welled with tears as she went on.

"I'm so sorry, mum, I never meant for this to happen. I'm so, so sorry. There was nothing- there was nothing that I could do," she choked, tears pouring out of her eyes.

Then Hunith understood. She wrapped her arms around Merlin and hugged her tightly.

"Oh Merlin, you have nothing to be sorry for," she soothed, smoothing her daughter's beautiful dark hair, "I'm here for you Merlin. I always will be. I love you so much."

Hunith fixed some tea and Merlin unpacked her things, taking in her old home. It was just as she remembered it, if a little cleaner since Hunith no longer had to clean up after her.

"Merlin," her mother began, handing her a cup of tea, "Why did you leave Camelot? What about Arthur and Gaius and Gwen? Do they know that you're here?"

Merlin shook her head.

"I didn't tell anyone but Gwaine that I was leaving. He found out that I was pregnant, but I made him swear not to tell anyone. Especially not Arthur," Merlin explained quietly, "I couldn't do it to him. I couldn't make him go through that."

Hunith sighed, handing Merlin a warm mug of tea.

"And do you think that knowing that he won't work out why you've disappeared? Or where to? If you think that it will hurt him less if you're gone, Merlin, I think that you haven't really thought this through. He cares about you a lot, Merlin. Never seeing you would be torture for him," Hunith warned Merlin gently.

"And how do you know that it will be torture for him?" asked Merlin intransigently.

"Because it is torture to be away from someone that you love," Hunith stated simply.

Merlin considered this for a moment.

"I can't go back there. Not yet. If they come looking for me, tell them to go away," begged Merlin, eyes welling with tears again.

Hunith sighed again.

"Of course, Merlin. It's your decision; I'll support you no matter what."

Merlin gave her a watery smile, and kissed her mother on the cheek.

–

This business was taking longer than expected, and Arthur was growing antsy. He wanted to get back to Merlin, and make sure that everything between them was still alright. Her goodbye had scared him a little, but he had shrugged it off. She was probably just being childish about not being allowed to come. She did tend to be rather childish about those sort of things.

What really worried him was Gwaine. Usually the life of the party, Gwaine had barely spoken a word for the last week and seemed even more anxious to get back to Camelot than Arthur did. On the eighth night of their journey, Gwaine came and sat by him at the fire.

"How much longer do you think you'll have to be here for?" he asked, weaving his fingers through his hair.

"At least a couple more days," estimated Arthur, "These men won't agree to my terms and I cannot agree to theirs."

"Can't everyone just bugger off back home then, since we can't get to an agreement?" said Gwaine exasperatedly.

"No, I have to be diplomatic," frowned Arthur, "What's so urgent anyways? You've been acting strange since we left."

Gwaine straightened up.

"Nothing," he muttered, and went to join Elyan instead.

–

The negotiations concluded after another week, and Arthur had never been happier to be headed back to Camelot. It was a gray day as they reentered the citadel, crows flying overhead. It had been a good two weeks since Arthur had seen Merlin, and he was anxious to check up on her. He hadn't been away from her for this long in all the years that he had known her. Her presence on their trip had been missed by everyone, although her cooking skills had not been. Percival made far better stew than Merlin, he reflected, laughing to himself. That was something he could tease her about. Things would go back to normal, and she would complain about how awfully he treated her and he would just smile because that was just such a Merlin thing to do. He was smiling to himself as they rode up to the courtyard in the castle. His grin faded when he saw their welcoming party.

A very grim looking Gaius was standing with his arm around Gwen, who was trying to wipe her tears away as quickly as she could. Agravaine stood behind them, barely concealing a grin. Merlin was nowhere to be seen.

"Gaius," called Arthur, hopping off his horse, "What's wrong?"

His panic grew.

"Where's Merlin?"

"She is gone, Sire," Gaius spoke gravely.

"Gone where?" Arthur asked, a lump rising in his throat. Not dead, he told himself. She wasn't dead.

"I don't know. She left the night that you did, without a word as to why or where, other than two short letters to Gwen and myself," the physician informed him.

Arthur's head was spinning. Merlin couldn't be gone; she couldn't just leave Camelot. She couldn't leave him.

"Do you have any idea where she could have gone?" Arthur said when he had regained the ability to speak.

"I can only guess," Gaius said.

"Guess then," Arthur commanded.

"I think that she will have gone to Ealdor," confessed Gaius.

Arthur nodded.

"Has someone been sent to retrieve her?"

Gaius shook his head.

"Agravaine would not authorize it," whispered Gwen, breaking her silence.

Arthur's eyes shot to his uncle, who was hiding his smirk rather poorly.

"And what have you to say to that, Uncle?" he demanded to know.

"I thought it best to wait until you returned," Agravaine explained, "After all, she is only a servant, and how would that look if I dispatched your men to go off galavanting across the

countryside to find her? I could not allow it."

Arthur counted in his head, holding back the urge to whack Agravaine.

"Well I am back now, although I will be leaving again shortly," he announced, "I am going to find Merlin."

"We'll come with you," said Elyan.

"No," Arthur insisted, "I will go alone. I have to go alone."

The knights nodded.

"Good luck, Sire," said Gaius, grasping Arthur's shoulder.

Arthur met his eyes before turning to mount his horse once again. He galloped out of the courtyard and out of the citadel. Arthur was going to find Merlin, and she was going to explain to him what exactly was going on.


	5. Chapter 5

****disclaimer: I don't own Merlin. BBC owns Merlin. This is why Merthur isn't technically canon.

**The Aftermath**

* * *

><p>In the two weeks that Merlin had been home, she had been relatively happy. Her nightmares about Urest still tormented her, and more than once Hunith had had to wake her up because her screams were so loud, but during the day she was as happy as her situation allowed for. Merlin tried not to think about Camelot or her friends; it hurt too much. Since it had been two weeks since she had left and no one had come looking for her, she assumed that Gwaine had told them all that she was pregnant, and Arthur couldn't bear to hear her name. They wouldn't talk about her much, and Arthur would be alright.<p>

Merlin stretched across her cot, and rubbed her hand over her abdomen. There weren't any visible signs of her pregnancy yet. Hunith had told her that she would probably start showing at around twelve weeks. Merlin was at six.

The thought of having a child scared Merlin. Being totally and completely responsible for another person's life was terrifying. She had already experienced this responsibility to a degree with Arthur, but he was a grown man who could defend himself, and he was most definitely not her child. Merlin had frightened herself with thoughts of future conversations with her child, when they were old enough to wonder why they didn't have a father. She would tell them that he was dead, of course, and that wouldn't be a lie, but she knew that they would have questions: what did he do, what kind of man was he? Did you love him very much? And she wouldn't have answers to give them. Not good ones anyway. From experience Merlin knew that you didn't need a father around to turn out all right, but she also knew the pain of wondering why he wasn't there.

Sleep was beginning to claim her when the sound of a horse galloping up to the house roused her pulled her back into consciousness. There was a knock at the door and Hunith answered, cracking the door open. From her spot in the back of the house, Merlin couldn't see their visitor, but neither could they see her.

"Hello, Hunith. I've come to see Merlin," the visitor said.

Merlin's stomach dropped. It was Arthur.

–

Arthur shifted awkwardly in the doorframe of Merlin's home, waiting for Hunith to say something.

"Is she in?" he asked finally, when it became clear that Hunith was not going to speak first.

She glanced back into the house. Arthur strained to see behind her, but it was too dark.

"She's asleep," Hunith stated, looking back at Arthur.

"I can wait."

"I'm not sure that she wants to see you," Hunith said uneasily, "Arthur, maybe we should talk somewhere else."

He heard a groan come from inside the house, a groan that sounded suspiciously like Merlin when he ordered her to muck out the stables. He narrowed his eyes, but agreed.

Hunith stepped outside, closing the door behind her.

"This way," she instructed, and they walked down the path that went through the whole of Ealdor.

They stopped at a tree that stood on a small, daisy covered hill. A swing hung from its branches.

"I know why Merlin won't see me," Arthur started, "And I don't blame her."

Hunith's eyes flashed with confusion.

"And why won't she see you?"

"She blames me for what happened to her, and rightly so, as it was my fault entirely," he wrung his hands, a painful look of guilt on his face.

"Sire, forgive me, but you are wrong. It's not my place to tell you Merlin's feelings or reasons, but I cannot allow you to believe that," Hunith contradicted.

"Then why won't she speak to me?" he cried in frustration, spinning away from Hunith.

"That's not for me to say," she placed a calming hand on Arthur's shoulder, "I cannot and will not force my daughter to speak with you, but perhaps if you stay for a while, she will come to you of her own accord."

With that, Hunith left Arthur standing under the tree, pondering what she had just said.

–

Merlin was standing, arms folded and foot tapping, as her mother reentered the house

"And what did you have to say to him?" she snapped.

"Nothing much really," Hunith said lightly, "You should talk to him, you know."

Merlin didn't say anything, and just glared at her mother.

Up early the next morning because of her vomiting, Merlin decided to take a walk. The cool mornings were always head clearing, and refreshingly empty. Arthur didn't seem to be anywhere outside, which was good. She headed for the old swing. It creaked as she sat down, and Merlin reflected that it had been a lot more comfortable when she was little.

"Merlin," came Arthur's voice from behind her.

She yelped and jumped up from the swing.

"Sorry," he apologized quickly.

She remained silent, looking at the ground.

"Look, I know why you left, I think," he mumbled.

"You do?"

"I know that you deny that everything that happened was my fault, but I know that you don't believe that. You couldn't stand the sight of me, so you left. And I don't blame you. I just," he paused for a moment, "I just wanted to say goodbye, and to tell you that you're welcome in

Camelot, if ever you find it in your heart to forgive me."

Merlin stared at him, dumbfounded.

"Arthur! How many times do I have to tell you that I'm never going to blame you for something that wasn't your fault? Because if I have to tell you once more, I might actually get angry with you!" she shouted, color rising in her cheeks.

He studied her expression for a moment.

"Fine, then. I believe you. But if you don't hate me so, why on earth would you leave?" he stopped himself from saying 'leave me' instead.

"Didn't Gwaine tell you? That's how you knew to come here, right?" she inquired, confused at Arthur's confusion.

"Gwaine? What? No! What should Gwaine have told me?"

Merlin moaned. She had doomed herself now. There was no way out of this. As she searched for the right words, she unconsciously moved her hand back to her abdomen. It didn't escape Arthur's notice. His eyes widened.

"Oh," he whispered, "Oh."

He waited for her to say something. She didn't.

"Why didn't you tell me, Merlin?" he asked, his tone a little harsher than he had intended.

Merlin heard the edge to his voice and instantly became defensive.

"Tell you? Tell you what? That I got raped? That I almost died? That everything that I ever thought would keep me safe was taken from me? That I'm pregnant?" Her voice rose into shouts, "How could I possibly tell you? You, of all people? You blamed yourself for everything, when it was never your fault, never taking into account how much worse your misery would make me feel! How was I supposed to think that you would react to this? I couldn't do that to you! I wasn't going to give you another excuse to hate yourself for no reason!"

Tears of frustration were pouring out of Merlin's eyes, which were a shocking blue in her anger.

"I left to protect you. Protecting you has always been my first concern. Always," Merlin spoke, a little more calmly this time.

"Merlin, if you thought that for one minute, leaving me would cause me less pain..." he trailed off as he choked back tears. When he regained his voice, he continued, "Merlin I can think of no greater torture than to lose you. You're my best friend."

Merlin met his eyes. They stared at each other for a few moments before Merlin nodded her head shakily.

"Will Camelot take me back, then?" she breathed.

"Of course!" he smiled an wrapped her in his arms.

Merlin pressed her face into his neck and smiled, really sincerely smiled, for the first time in more than a month.

–

Arthur and Merlin walked back to her home in a comfortable silence, where Hunith was awake and waiting for them with a slight smile on her face.

"I'm going back to Camelot, mum," Merlin announced cautiously, trying to gauge how her mother would react.

Hunith spread her arms and embraced her daughter.

"I'll miss you so much," she sighed into Merlin's hair, "But this is the right thing for you to do." Arthur stood awkwardly as the two women hugged. When they broke apart, Hunith turned to him and looked at him sternly.

"Take good care of her," she instructed him, "You owe it to her."

He nodded. He owed it to her a hundred times over. Merlin had saved his life so many times, probably more than he knew, and she had done so much more. She had been there whenever he needed her, as counsel and as a friend. She told him when he was being stupid and when she praised him, it was only when he truly deserved it. There was no one that he could trust more than Merlin, and now that he had her back, he would prove it to her how much he cared for her. Even if being with her in the way that he wanted to be was impossible, he could still let her know that he truly loved her, even if they could only ever just be friends.  
>By the time that Merlin had packed her things and said goodbye to Hunith again, the clouds above them had darkened and Arthur was worried about getting back to Camelot before the storm set in. They rode through the woods without speaking, but Arthur didn't mind; he had Merlin back and nothing could spoil that.<p>

Well, nothing except the rain, he amended in his mind, as he began to feel the little droplets of water pelting him. It began as only a drizzle, but soon the wind was howling and rain was dumping down on them in buckets. There was no way that they could go on like this through the night.

"We have to take shelter!" he shouted over the wind. He couldn't hear Merlin's response, but he thought that he saw her nod vehemently with agreement.

They fled to a formation of rocks that would offer some protection from the storm. Arthur tied the horses up, feeling a bit sorry for having to leave them out in the rain, but there was no room for the creatures to fit in the miniature cave formed by the rocks. Merlin was huddled up against the rock when he ducked inside. Her hair was matted to her pale face and she was shivering violently.

"Do you have any dry clothes in your pack?"

She shook her head.

"They'll all be sopping," she told him, "The blanket might still be dry, though."

She reached into the bag and pulled out a blanket. It had some wet spots, but t wasn't completely soaked. When Merlin offered it to Arthur, he shook his head.

"I don't need it Merlin," he refused, "You're pregnant, and I will not have you catching your death tonight."

She wrapped the blanket around herself, but it didn't really do anything to warm her up.

"Who else knows?" Arthur asked her after a while.

"Only Gwaine," she replied, biting her lower lip.

Arthur wondered why she had told Gwaine instead of Gaius, or Gwen. Or him. He knew the Merlin and Gwaine were close, but he couldn't help but feeling a bit betrayed that neither of them had said anything.

"It wasn't like I went out of my way to tell him," Merlin said, almost as if she had read his mind,

"He just found out and I had to tell him. Don't be angry with him!" she added quickly, "I swore him to secrecy so he wouldn't tell anyone where or why I was gone."

Arthur still frowned, but didn't say anything further on the subject. Soon, Merlin was asleep, curled up on the ground. He studied her sleeping form, the steady rise and fall of her chest, and thought of how much her life was about to change. She was young, so very young he realized, to be a mother. As hard as he tried, he couldn't picture her thin body, swollen and round from the pregnancy. The thought of Merlin, his clumsy, idiotic and impertinent Merlin, as a mother was such a strange thought to him, and he wasn't sure how to feel about it.

The rain drilled down, but the wind had died down, and Merlin began to twitch in her sleep, her lips forming words that Arthur couldn't hear. It was all calm enough until she began to thrash about, whimpering in her sleep. The wind suddenly picked up, howling around them. Merlin's cried out and the wind grew stronger still.

"Merlin!" he shouted, crawling to her side. He grabbed her shoulders and shook her, trying to wake her from the nightmare.

The winds increased again and they sent the rain pelting into the shelter. The cold water sprayed over them, shocking Merlin from her dreams. She bolted upright, and the winds ceased. Arthur pulled her close, hugging her tiny body to his strong one. She clutched at his shirt, burying her face into his chest.

"Shhh," Arthur soothed, stroking her head, "You're safe, Merlin. You're going to be safe. I'm not going to let anything hurt you. Shhh."

She had been dreaming about Urest. She dreamed about the words that he had uttered that had terrified her more than anything, and she had dreamed about his grotesque hands roaming over her body. In the dream, she could feel him pulling her magic from her, as she tried to ball it around her to keep him away. And then she could smell him, his disgusting, feral and awful odor, creeping through her nostrils and choking her throat. Something cold had splashed her face, and she had woken up. Instead of Urest's arms, she was in Arthur's, and she drank in the deep, sweet smell of him, letting it flood her brain. He whispered words in her ear, but she didn't really pay attention to what he was saying; just the sound of his voice made her feel better.

They stayed like that, Merlin wrapped up in Arthur's arms until the rain stopped just before sunrise.

–

The sun peaked out timidly from behind the clouds that hung over Camelot as Merlin and Arthur approached. It smelled like wet earth. The citadel towered above them and Merlin inhaled deeply.

They walked together to Gaius's chambers, Merlin holding tightly to Arthur's hand. Merlin knocked on the door and waited, listening to Gaius shuffling around behind it. The physician answered the door.

"Merlin!"

"Gaius," she replied quietly, "I'm sorry that I left."

He pulled her into a hug.

"Merlin, I'm just glad that you are safe."

"Merlin?" came Gwen's voice from inside the room, "Merlin!"

Guinevere came running towards Merlin and ensnared her in a tight embrace. When she let go, Merlin stepped forward into the room.

"I'll be going, then," Arthur said, moving to leave.

"No!" Merlin cried, "Please stay!"

He stepped back into the room.

Merlin took a deep breath and collected her thoughts.

"I have something to tell you," she addressed Gwen and Gaius, "I'm pregnant."

Gwen's mouth hung open in a little 'o' and Gaius took a seat.

"Is this why you left?" he asked, frowning at her.

"Well, mostly," she said, not really wanting to explain all of her reasons right then and there.

"Mostly," Gaius repeated the word, "Merlin do you have any idea how dangerous it was for you to ride out by yourself? Or return in this rain, as I am sure that you did?"

Gaius looked reproachfully at Arthur.

"Sire, I must criticize your decision to return in that weather. Merlin cannot risk getting an infection."

"Of course. I was foolish," agreed Arthur.

"Yes, you both were," chastised Gaius, "Sire, if you wouldn't mind, I think that Merlin should get some sleep."

Arthur nodded, squeezed Merlin's shoulder and left.

Merlin trudged to her room, with Gwen not far behind her.

"I'll get all your things cleaned and dried for you while you're asleep," offered Gwen as Merlin removed her still damp gown.

"That would be really great. Thanks," Merlin lay on the bed, pulling the covers up around her.

"I'm glad you're back, Merlin," Gwen whispered, "We're all here for you. We all love you."

Merlin turned her face up to look at Gwen.

"I love you too. I couldn't have ever asked for better friends," she said sincerely.  
>Gwen left the room, closing the door quietly behind her.<p>

–

Light filtered in through the windows, and the way that it spilled over Arthur's hair made him look rather angelic. Of course, he wasn't an angel, Merlin thought sleepily, but sometimes he sure looked like one. There was no chair in her room, so he sat on the floor, shifting his gaze back and forth from his interlocked fingers to Merlin, whom he thought was sleeping.

"What're you doing here?" she mumbled into her pillow.

"You're awake," he observed.

"How astute of you," came her muttered reply, "Why are you in here?"

"Just wanted to see how you were doing, and wanted to know how you're going to tell the people who need to be told about this."

"Can't you tell them?" asked Merlin, the idea of having to tell Leon, Percival, and Elyan that she was pregnant sending waves of nervousness over her skin.

"I could," he allowed, "But I think that you should do it. They care a lot about you. They'd rather hear it from you than from me, I think."

He got up from the ground and left the room.

"Wait!" Merlin shouted after him, "Where're you going?"

"Training, down in the field. Feel free to join us," he called from the other room.

Merlin groaned angrily, but got up anyways. Sometime when she had been sleeping, Gwen had brought her clothes back, and Merlin slipped them on. Nice and clean for once, she thought. Her boots were still muddy, but she laced them up and headed out to find Arthur and the knights. They were messing about in the field, playfully swinging swords at each other. They stopped when Merlin walked up.

"Merlin!" shouted Gwaine after a moment, rushing up to give her a hug, "It's good to see you, Princess!"

"I told you not to call me that," she told him, laughing. Quietly, she whispered in his ear, "Thank you for not telling."

"It's nothing," he smiled at her sweetly.

"Well," piped up Arthur, "I think I'll head back up to the castle."

"What? You just got here!" exclaimed Percival.

"I've just remembered something that I had to do," he said, and Merlin glared at him, seeing through the weak lie.

He shrugged at her, and mouthed the words "sorry".

Merlin scowled as he walked away.

"That's odd," said Leon, watching Arthur leave.

"Yeah," Merlin agreed.

There was an awkward pause in the conversation, as Merlin fought the urge to run away.

"What's wrong?" asked Elyan, noting the pained expression on her face.

Merlin looked desperately to Gwaine for help. Telling Gaius and Gwen had been different, easier. The knights, like Arthur, had it in their heads that they were to be overprotective of Merlin, which bothered her just like it did with Arthur.

"I think that Merlin has something to tell you about where she went and why she left," Gwaine prompted, looking back to Merlin to continue.

She gulped.

"Yeah. Well. Uh, I went home. To Ealdor, with my mother. Because uh," she drew a breath, "I'm pregnant."

There was a loud intake of breath, and another awkward silence. Percival was the first to break it. He stepped forward and encircled her with his huge arms.

"Will you name him after me, Merlin?" he asked, and Merlin laughed softly into his body, wondering once again what she ever did to deserve such wonderful friends.


	6. Chapter 6

disclaimer: I don't own Merlin. BBC owns Merlin. This is why Merthur isn't technically canon.

**The Aftermath**

* * *

><p>The next eight weeks passed very much in the same way as life had been before everything had happened. Merlin had point blank refused to stop her duties as maidservant (she surprised even herself with that one) and she and Arthur had fallen back into their comfortable routine of name calling and eye rolling. She had made him promise to stop treating her like a fragile doll, and usually he was pretty good at keeping his promise. Still, she occasionally caught the concerned glances he gave her when he thought that she wasn't looking, and it didn't escape her notice that her duties were considerably lighter nowadays. No one other than Gaius, Gwen, the knights and Arthur knew that she was pregnant, and Merlin hoped to keep it that way as long as possible. She knew that she couldn't hide it forever, but she intended to hide it for as long as she could.<p>

When she got dressed, Merlin was beginning to see visible signs of the pregnancy, and for the first time she wrapped her head around the fact that she was actually going to have a child. She was going to have to get new clothes, she realized.

Four months, Merlin had taken to wearing her baggiest dress every day. It still fit, but the fabric was stretched a bit tighter across her chest, and her bump was only barely visible. She smoothed the fabric down as she walked into Arthur's room. He wasn't there; Uther had been fairly lucid that morning and Arthur wanted to spend as much time as he could with his father. Merlin understood. His mother was dead, and Uther was surely going the same way soon and Arthur was scared. He had looked up to his father his entire life and Merlin knew that even though Uther had been despondent for months, if he died Arthur would feel so lost. Merlin understood his fear. She knew too well the pain of losing a father, even if she had only known Balinor a few days. She had lost her father twice: once before she had even met him and again after she had. Her thoughts drifted back to the fears that she had for her own child, how they would be left in the dark about their father. She didn't even realize that she was crying until she felt a tear drip off of her cheek and onto her hand. The door to the room opened and she quickly tried to wipe the tears away. It was Arthur.

"Merlin? Merlin, what's wrong?" he strode quickly over to her.

She choked on her tears.

"Merlin," he repeated, taking her by the shoulders, "Are you hurt?"

She shook her head.

"I'm fine," she croaked, and Arthur raised an eyebrow.

"What is it?"

Merlin broke down and sobbed out, "What am I going to tell them?"

"Tell who?" Arthur asked.

"My baby," she moaned, "When they grow up and ask who their father is and where he is and why he isn't there? What could I ever tell them? That they don't have a father? Living your life wondering why your father was never there for you is torture, Arthur," she wiped at the tears on her cheeks.

Arthur's face softened, and he choked back tears of his own.

"Merlin," he whispered, "If I could, if I thought for half a second that they would let me..." he trailed off.

"You'd what? Marry me?" she laughed a little, and hugged him, "Arthur, that's very gallant of you, but I would never let you do that."

"Why not?" he said, lifting his head up.

"Trapping you in a marriage because you still feel guilty about all of this? Arthur, I've told you before, you've got nothing to make up for," she sighed, exasperated at the way he couldn't just let this go.

"I wouldn't be making up for anything, Merlin," he said slowly, "I would do it because it's the right thing, and you deserve to have someone there for you and your children and because I-".

He broke off as Merlin took his hands and placed them on her stomach. His heart fluttered a little as he felt the baby kick. They stood there, faces centimeters apart, neither of them really daring to breath. It was a quiet moment, a private and close one, more intimate than making love and more tender than a kiss. They might have stood there forever if the doors to the room hadn't burst open, tearing them out of the moment. Agravaine stomped in, calling Arthur's name. He stopped abruptly as he saw Arthur and Merlin together.

"Sire," he hissed, and didn't address Merlin, "We must speak. Alone." He looked pointedly at Merlin.

She took her cue and left the two men.

After Merlin had closed the door behind her, Agraivaine spoke again.

"Sire, it has come to my attention that your maidservant is with child. Whether or not the child is yours is no concern of mine, since even if it was, you could never claim it as such," he drawled, and Arthur tensed, "You must dismiss her at once."

"No!" Arthur responded immediately.

"Sire, she has gotten with child out of wedlock and in the service of the regent prince of Camelot. The rumors, Sire. Think of the speculation that will be had, with you on top of the list of potential fathers. It will be a disgrace to Camelot; the girl cannot remain in your service."

Arthur advanced on Agravaine, repressing the urge to punch him hard in the face.

"With all due respect, Uncle," he spat, "I am in charge of this kingdom right now, not you, and there is nothing that you can say to me that will get me to dismiss her. She is not a disgrace to Camelot, and I will not tolerate you referring to her as such. Now, if you will please leave my chambers," he held out his arm, pointing to the door.

A look of understanding appeared on Agravaine's face and he let out a short bark of laughter.

"Oh, you're in love with her! Oh my dear boy, that just won't do at all. In love with a maidservant. A maidservant who is pregnant by another man," Agravaine chortled.

Arthur couldn't stop himself. He closed the distance between him and his uncle and hit the man squarely in the face. The laughter disappeared from Agravaine's face as blood spouted from his nose.

"Get out. Now!" commanded Arthur, shoving his uncle to the door. He slammed it shut behind Agravaine and punched the wall, bellowing in frustration.

–

Merlin had her ear pressed against the door to Arthur's door when she heard fist collide with face. She cringed at the crunching sound and ducked quickly into a nearby corridor as Agravaine exited. He swore as he hurried down the hall, clutching at his bloodied nose. Arthur's door slammed and she heard his frustrated scream. Maybe it was best if she left him be for a while, she thought and walked out to the battlements.

She hadn't really heard the conversation, just the angry voices. The punch had been clear enough. He had probably broken Agravaine's nose. He deserved it, thought Merlin.

Her dress fluttered in the wind and Merlin felt very regal watching Camelot from above.

"Hey," said Gwaine, walking up behind her.

"Hi," Merlin replied, not looking away from the kingdom before her.

"It's so beautiful," she observed quietly.

"It is," he agreed, "Who knows, Princess, one day you could be the real princess. Queen, even."

Merlin blushed furiously.

"Don't joke about that. That would never happen. Ever. Arthur may think that he wants that, but he's confused," she reprimanded.

Gwaine gave her a look that clearly said 'you're an idiot'.

"How do you know whether or not he's confused?" he asked.

"Because I know him better than anyone. He'll think he's being chivalrous and good and convince himself that he's in love. And it will be alright for a while, but he needs a queen and I am no queen. He'll turn somewhere else and every bit of friendship that we ever had would be spoiled," Merlin explained.

"You should give him more credit than that. Have you ever thought that maybe he really does love you?"

"He's never made any attempt to show it," Merlin countered.

"Because he can't, Merlin, you know that," Gwaine said, catching her eye.

"He doesn't _love_me," denied Merlin, willing the lump in her throat to go away.

"Why not? Love is a good thing. Don't push it away," Gwaine counseled, leaning in.

"But he can't," she swallowed, "There are things he doesn't know, things about me, things I've done. Unforgivable things."

Merlin could taste tears. Arthur couldn't love her because he didn't know what she really was and if he ever found out, he would hate her. So she couldn't let him in. If she did, she'd never be able to hide it from him, and Merlin didn't know if either of them could survive it if she had to leave. Therefore loving Arthur was an impossibility and however much he wanted it, Merlin wouldn't let it happen.

"Unforgivable," Gwaine said skeptically.

"I'm afraid so," she tried to smile.

"I'm sure Arthur would forgive you anything," he tried to convince her.

"Not this," she assured him, shaking her head violently.

"Whatever you say, Princess," Gwaine sighed. With a quick squeeze of her shoulder, he left Merlin standing on the battlements, her dark hair flowing out in the wind.

–

At six months pregnant, it seemed to Merlin that every living soul in Camelot was aware of her predicament and that they had all come to the same conclusion: that Arthur was the father of her child. It bothered and embarrassed her, but there was nothing that she could do to stop them talking. People always talk, and they always will, she reminded herself daily.

Gwen had sewn her new dresses, better fit to her enlarged figure. Everywhere that she went, Merlin could feel people's eyes on her stomach, and the judgements that they were making. She tried her best to ignore the eyes, wishing that she could just cast an invisibility spell over herself. Sometimes she couldn't take it and walked the battlements alone, clearing her mind of everything. She would pace, or stare out over Camelot, relishing the solitude, but welcoming the eventual company of her friends. When it grew too cold for her to be outside any longer, she would retreat to her room and stare at her changed body.

Merlin stood naked in front of the mirror in her room, gazing in wonder at her pregnant form. Her breasts were full, and raised and her face was a little rounder. It was still all points and sharp angles, but there was a newfound softness there. Her hips too, seemed fleshier, less boyish than they had always been. Looking at her profile in the mirror, she traced patterns on her belly, the skin stretched tight. It was so odd, Merlin thought as she studied herself, so odd to look like a mother.

She was reaching for her clothes when the door creaked open and Arthur walked in. She yelped in shock and tried to cover her body with her dress.

Arthur stared at her, a strange expression on his face, before he remembered himself and stepped back out of the room, waiting for Merlin to get dressed. She appeared after a couple minutes.

"Haven't you ever heard of knocking?" she snapped, a pretty blush still in her cheeks.

"Sorry," he mumbled apologetically, "I just wanted to tell you that I have to go away for a few days. Didn't think that you'd be uh.."

"Oh," was all she said in reply. She pouted a little.

She couldn't ride out with the knights and Arthur anymore; she wondered if she could after she had had the baby. Gaius could take care of it for a few days, surely. Merlin quickly scolded herself. If she was going to be a mother, she would have to accept responsibility for caring for her child, and she would not just hand the baby over to Gaius or Gwen every time that she felt like running around with Arthur and the knights. On the other hand, though, Merlin realized that having a child did not mean that her duties or destiny were over. Arthur still needed to be protected, and Merlin would have to be there to do that. She sighed. It was just another complication in her life that she had never foreseen and could do nothing about.

"We'll only be gone a few days, but I just wanted to say bye now," Arthur told her, "We're leaving in a few minutes, and I didn't want to go without saying goodbye."

"Goodbye, then," she said awkwardly, not sure if she should hug him or not.

Arthur shifted on his feet, and then nodded.

"Bye then," and he left.

Before he was out the door, Merlin called after him.

"Don't get into too much trouble! I won't be there to bail you out!"

He turned back around, smiling a little.

"Merlin, we're not going to get into any trouble since you're not going to be there," he predicted sagely.

"Whatever you say," she laughed a little.

"Bye, again," he said.

"Bye."

And then he was gone again, and Merlin was alone again, and even though she had been laughing a moment before, Merlin wanted to cry again.

–

Arthur had been gone for four days when Merlin found herself in the armory for the first time since everything had happened. Agravaine had sent her down there to collect some chain mail for the new guards, and Merlin couldn't do anything but obey.

She opened the door and walked inside. It was silent and dark, the only sound being Merlin's own guarded breathing. She took a step inside. Every fiber of her being was shouting at her to get out of there, to leave, but she forced herself to put one foot in front of the other and march into the room.

There was a wall that she had put up in her mind months ago, that tried to keep images from that day out of her head, and for a while, it had held alright. Merlin could feel herself cracking, though as she moved further into the room. Screams echoed off of the walls, and she felt a sharp pain in her ribs, where they had been broken. The room was spinning. She tried to focus on something still like the ground, but when she stared at it, all she saw was blood slick stones, her fingers scraping and slipping on the floor. Merlin felt her knees buckle, and the next thing she knew, she was on the ground, pressed against the wall of the armory.

–

It was night when Arthur and the knights arrived back in Camelot, and Arthur considered going to see Merlin, but Elyan convinced him to think better of it. It was very late, after all, and Merlin was probably asleep. He returned to his chambers, and flung himself down on the bed, glad to be sleeping there again instead of the forest floor.

In the morning he woke to Gwen's face, hovering near his bed. It took him a moment to process that it was her and not Merlin, and that she had a very troubling look on her face.

"Guinevere, what is it?" he mumbled, still half asleep.

She bit her lip.

"It's Merlin."

Arthur sat straight up.

"What happened? Is she alright?"

"She's missing," Gwen whimpered, covering her face with her hands.

"Missing? Like she's run off again?"

Gwen shook her head no.

"I don't think so. She was there one minute and gone the next, and can't be found anywhere."

Arthur was already out of bed, dragging on his boots and putting on a shirt and coat.

"Get the knights for me," he ordered.

Hurrying from the room, he ran smack into Agravaine, who was traipsing the hall, reading a large and important looking document.

"Ah, Sire," he beamed, "How good to have you back."

Arthur ignored the greeting.

"Have you seen Merlin?"

"The pregnant servant? Hmm I saw her yesterday. I sent her off to do some task, but she never returned. She's always been a lazy an incompetent servant, has she not?"

"Where did you send her?" Arthur snarled.

"Just off to the armory to get something," Agravaine answered, holding up his hands.

Arthur's eyes grew wide and he sped off without another word to his uncle. Gwaine, Elyan, Leon and Percival were all waiting for him.

"The armory," he told them, and the men rushed down to it.

Arthur's breath nearly stopped when he saw Merlin curled up on the cold stone floor. The knights watched as he tenderly lifted her from the ground. To his immense relief, she was only asleep, and her eyelids fluttered open as he picked her up. She looked around her in confusion.

"Where am I?" she wanted to know. Her words were slurred.

"In the armory, but we're going back to Gaius's now," he said softly.

Gaius was standing by the door when they got there, with Gwen by his side.

"Thank you, Sire," he said as Arthur laid Merlin down, "I'll have to check to make sure that both she and the baby are healthy, so if you men could leave, please?"

Arthur nodded and left with the knights. He was going to have a little chat with Agravaine.

"Uncle," growled Arthur, storming into Agravaine's chambers.

The man looked up from his papers, staring calmly at his nephew.

"Yes, Arthur?"

"I would like to know what madness possessed you to order my _pregnant _servant to do physical labor!"

"It was hardly a stressful or difficult task; a child could have done it," Agravaine defended himself.

"In that case, why did you not send a child to do that? There are plenty of other servants running about that you could have had your pick. Why send Merlin?" Arthur demanded to know.

"Because she was right there, and convenient," he explained lazily.

"I don't think that's true, Uncle!" Arthur shouted, "I think that you want Merlin gone and you won't stop until she is out of the picture!"

Agravaine stood up from his desk and closed the distance between him and Arthur.

"Sire, I assure you that although my advice to dismiss that girl from your service still stands, I would never do something in attempt to force her out."

"You've had it out for her since you got here," Arthur fumed, wondering if he should hit Agravaine again.

"With all due respect, Sire, she is nothing but a serving girl, and the attention and affection that you have so publicly displayed towards her has been disgracefully improper. It is my duty as your advisor to protect you from things that would hurt your reputation and image. I am doing nothing but looking out for you, Sire," Agravaine hissed.

Arthur narrowed his eyes at his uncle.

"You will stay well away from Merlin, is that clear?" he ordered, a dangerous gleam in his eye.

"Very. I still believe that you are making a mistake in keeping her in your service."

"Well it isn't your decision, is it?" said Arthur, and then realized how childish it sounded, "I would never abandon a friend when they needed me most. I thought that even you would understand something like that."

Arthur left the room and found the knights again.

"Merlin is asleep," Leon informed him.

The knights were sprawled across the chairs in the room, all of them looking dispirited.

"I just wish that there was a way we could make all of this right," said Percival woefully.

"We can't undo what's been done. The only thing we can do is to keep her from being hurt even more," replied Leon bitterly.

Arthur sat quietly, not wishing to join their discussion.


	7. Chapter 7

disclaimer: I don't own Merlin. BBC owns Merlin. This is why Merthur isn't technically canon.

**The Aftermath**

* * *

><p>A slow dread had been creeping up on Merlin for months. She hadn't quite been able to put her finger on what it was that was scaring her so until one night she had a nightmare. It wasn't really any different than her nightmares usually were. Urest restricted her magic, and beat her and defiled her and she woke up in a cold sweat like she did most nights. When she woke, her heart still hammering in her chest, it dawned on Merlin.<p>

"Gaius?" she asked the physician in the morning.

"Yes, Merlin?" he said, not looking up from the disgustingly green specimen that he was examining.

"If two people with magic have a baby, does the baby always have magic?"

He stopped what he was doing.

"In almost all cases, yes. Are you talking about your baby?" he looked down his nose at her.

"Well...maybe...yes..."

"I am undoubtedly sure that any child you have, regardless of the father, would have very powerful magic," he speculated, "Although this is even more of a sure thing."

Merlin's heart sunk. It wasn't that she thought that her child having magic was a horrible thing; magic was full of beauty and wonder and should have been a blessing on anyone born with it. But Merlin knew otherwise. She had been able to do magic since before she could walk or talk. From an early age, her mother had endeavored to keep her gifts as secret as she could. She hadn't always been able to, since Merlin's magic had been spontaneous and uncontrollable when she was younger.

Living as a sorceress in Camelot was tough enough for Merlin, and she in control of her powers. She shuddered to think of how quickly a baby's magic would be discovered in court. There was no way to hide the fact that her baby would have magic and Merlin knew it. Terror filled her as she realized what she was going to have to do.

Merlin was going to have to tell Arthur.

–

It was the longest walk of Merlin's life. With every step that she took, she was filled with more and more trepidation about telling Arthur. She had spent years hiding her magic from him, deceiving him, and now she was going to him to reveal her betrayal. Because that's what it was: a betrayal of the total trust he had in her. She was going to break his heart.

Fighting the urge to turn and run, Merlin forced herself forward. Gulping, she pushed open the door to his room. There was no going back now.

Arthur was seated at his desk, frowning slightly as he was reading a report. When he heard Merlin enter, he looked up and smiled at her. Then he noticed the look on her face, and he stood up, crossing the room to meet her.

"What's wrong?" he asked, concern creeping into his voice.

"I have to tell you something," the words came out faster than she had meant to, but she was just glad that she had got them out at all.

"What is it?" Arthur looked at her inquisitively.

"My baby," she began, "My baby is going to have magic."

"Don't be silly; there's no way for you to know that. Besides, people aren't just born with magic," he scoffed.

"If a child has a parent with magic, they're going to have magic too," she said, trying to keep her voice even. Arthur narrowed his eyes.

"Did he have magic?"

Merlin nodded. Arthur shook his head and blinked.

"Still, there's a chance that the baby won't have magic. I've never heard of anyone being born with magic."

"Not if both both parents have magic," Merlin whispered.

"What do you mean?" Arthur said sharply, taking a step back from her.

Silence.

"Merlin! What do you mean?" he asked again.

"I have magic," she told him, looking up and staring straight into his eyes.

"You have magic?" he exclaimed, and Merlin could hear the mixture of hurt surprise in his voice. There was anger there, too.

"I was born with it," she said fiercely, "I was born with it and my child will be as well."

Neither of them said anything for a minute. Arthur just stared at her, the shocked expression on his face slowly melting into a furious one.

"You lied to me!" he shouted, "I've trusted you with everything and you lied to me! You were my best friend and you lied and – oh god!" He let out a choked sob.

"Arthur! I only ever protected you! Arthur, please," she pleaded, reaching out to put a hand on his arm, "Arthur!"

"Don't," he cut her off, shoving her hand away, "Just stop, Merlin. I don't want to hear it. Get out."

She stood there.

"Get out!" he roared, and Merlin fled from the room.

–

The moment that Merlin was gone, Arthur wanted to go running after her, to hold her in his arms and tell her that he was sorry and to kiss the tears from her cheeks and to make it all better. But he stayed where he was, feet rooted to the spot, too stunned to actually move. Merlin, a sorceress? It was absurd, unthinkable even. But he had heard the words come out of her mouth, and there was no reason for her to lie about something like that. Still, he couldn't believe it. She was Merlin, his Merlin. His silly, idiotic and loyal Merlin, not a sorceress. He had thought that he knew her. Clearly, he was wrong; he barely knew her at all.

Arthur regretted yelling at her as had, wishing that he could take all his words back. He was remorseful, but at the same time he felt that his reaction had been justified. His best friend, the person he trusted most in the world, had been lying to him for _years_ about who she really was. He had a right to be angry, he thought indignantly. It was a base betrayal on her part and he wondered why she had done it.

She had been scared, terrified of what would happen to her if she had been found out. Uther would have had her killed, and Arthur realized with a pang that he had never done anything to make her think that he would have done differently than his father. Everything was, once again, all his fault. Arthur sank to his knees, head in hands. His whole body shook with sobs and he slowly began to fathom what had just happened. It felt like he had been stabbed, and there was no way to stop the flow of blood. It was Merlin who had always mended him, supported him when things went wrong, when he was betrayed. And now there was no one, no one to comfort him or goad him into getting back up. Arthur was alone. What an abysmal thing it was, he mused, to lose a friend, whether it be your fault or theirs. In this case, it was little bit of both.

Arthur sat there on the ground for a long time, thinking about Merlin and about magic. His tailbone was sore when he finally dragged himself from the floor, after the sun had set. No one brought him dinner and he didn't care enough to go get some. He went to bed hungry.

–

In a hurried frenzy, Merlin packed all her things. She meant to leave Camelot as soon as possible. No one would come looking for her this time.

When all of her things were packed, she collapsed onto the bed, pressed the pillow to her face and screamed. Arthur was such an idiot. She was an idiot. Everyone was stupid and life wasn't fair. She wanted to die and to feel nothing anymore. There was a strangely familiar feeling of being torn up from the inside out, that she had felt right after everything had happened. Never before in her life had Merlin thought that Arthur might hit her out of Anger; he hadn't of course, but for a split second she had really thought he would. Arthur would never have hit her. She would have hit her, though, stupid, lying girl.

Merlin had to get out of there. She would have her baby and try to protect Arthur from afar. It wouldn't be easy, but then again protecting Arthur never had been. Returning to Ealdor was out of the question, at least for the time being. If anyone went looking for her, that was the first place that they would look. Maybe she would flee to where Balinor had been been living. It didn't matter; she just had to go somewhere.

Gaius was studying a large, leather bound book when Merlin was leaving.

"I'm leaving, Gaius," she said sadly, "Arthur knows."

Standing up, Gaius nodded his head.

"I understand, Merlin. Is there no way that you can stay?"

She bit her lip and shook her head no.

"I wish there was," she croaked, "But there isn't."

"Be safe," he gave her a tight hug, "Give Hunith my regards."

Merlin felt bad for misleading him, but no one could know where she went.

"Goodbye," she smiled sadly, "Thank you for everything."

"It's nothing," he gripped her shoulders, "Don't do anything stupid. Remember, you are loved."

Merlin tried to put years of unsaid gratitudes into the hug, praying that Gaius would understand. She met no one on her way out, and wished silently that her friends would one day forgive her.

–

When Arthur woke in the morning, he went to Gaius's chambers before he could convince himself that it was a bad idea. He didn't know if he was going there to apologize to Merlin, or if he was hoping for an apology from her. In his confusion, all he really knew was that he just wanted to see her.

Gaius was sitting sullenly at the table by himself, picking at his food when Arthur entered.

"Sire," he said by way of greeting, "If you've come to look for Merlin, she's gone and she's not coming back, I'm afraid."

Arthur was silent. He knew that he should have expected something like this. He should have come the night before. He should have apologized, he should have been there, begging Merlin to stay.

"She's never done anything but use her magic to help you, you know," Gaius told him, "She's sacrificed everything that she's had to protect you."

"She lied to me, Gaius. For years. How was I supposed to react?" Arthur snapped.

"Much the same, I suppose," he sighed, "But I think for her to have left, you must have made your opinion very clear."

"I'm afraid I did," he cringed inwardly, remembering how Merlin had flinched away from him, just like she had flinched away from his touch after she had been attacked.

"And she cannot return," Gaius rubbed his temples, "The risk would be too great."

"I can keep it secret," Arthur said, a little more earnestly than he had intended, "Who else knows?"

"Lancelot was the only one, but he can't tell anyone now. And she left for her child's safety, not hers, anyways," he answered. He elaborated upon seeing Arthur's confused expression,

"A child cannot control their magic in the same way that an adult can. Living here would be extremely dangerous for both of them."

Arthur's insides twisted. He would never have let any harm come to Merlin or her child, magic or not. To think that she believed he would allow anything to happen to them hurt him more than he cared to admit.

"I don't know what to do," Arthur admitted, shaking his head, "I have absolutely no idea what to do."

"I think," Gaius hesitated for a moment, "I think that you should give her some time. If she decides to come back, you can deal with the problems that presents then, however I don't think that she wants someone chasing after her right now. But I don't believe that you should think that she is gone forever."

Arthur nodded. He trusted Gaius when it came to Merlin, and however much this would hurt him, Gaius was probably right. Maybe she would change her mind and come back to Camelot. To him.

–

It was a long way to where Balinor had lived in Cenred's kingdom and it was a slow ride over two days before Merlin got there. The cave looked exactly the same as it had when she and Arthur had been there to enlist Balinor's help. Nothing had been touched, which was helpful, Merlin guessed, but it made her heart hurt a little. Using her magic, she warmed the place up and curled up under a blanket. It could be home, she decided.

"We're going to be all right, you know," she said, rubbing her belly. It wasn't long before the baby was due. The thought of giving birth alone frightened Merlin, but she knew that she could do it; she had help deliver babies before, and besides, she had her magic to help her through it.

The night wore on and eventually Merlin fell into a fitful sleep.

–

Things were not going well. Within a day, it seemed that everyone within the city walls had learned of Merlin's disappearance, and rumors were flying about why. Although he couldn't count any of them as the whole truth, some of them hit a little closer to home than Arthur would have liked. He heard some servant girls gossiping that he had banished Merlin for betraying him, and he figured that he might as well have.

"Why's Merlin gone then?" Gwaine asked him bluntly one morning after training, "I know that you know, so don't lie to me."

He looked defiantly into Arthur's eyes, as if daring him to hit him for his insolence. Arthur sighed.

"You can't tell a soul, Gwaine. I mean it," Arthur told him seriously.

"I won't."

"Merlin has magic," Arthur confided.

A look of shock, then understanding registered on Gwaine's face. Then anger.

"What did you do with her?" Gwaine grabbed his arms, squeezing them painfully.

"I-didn't-do-anything!" Arthur grunted, trying to free himself from Gwaine's grip, "I was angry, but I would never have done anything to her! She left of her own accord."

Gwaine let go of Arthur.

"Sorry," he mumbled, "I know how you feel about her; you'd never hurt her."

Arthur looked at him sharply.

"What? It doesn't take a genius to interpret the way you look at her," Gwaine disclosed, laughing a little, "Don't look so angry. I haven't told anyone. And I won't tell them about Merlin's little secret."

"Thanks," Arthur said tightly.

"But aren't you going to go after her and bring her back?"

Arthur shook his head.

"Gaius says to let her come back on her own," he grumbled, "I don't really like it, but I trust Gaius about this."

"He's probably right," Gwaine acknowledged, "It's not safe for her here."

"As if I'd ever let anything happen to her."

There was silence and Gwaine smiled a little at him.

"I should go," Arthur mumbled, "I have to see my father."

He left Gwaine standing there, pondering Merlin's magical abilities.

Uther's rooms were dark, as they always were. He sat in a chair, staring into space, as he always did. The fire was dying slowly in the hearth, and Arthur stoked it a little when he entered.

"Hello father," Arthur said. Uther glanced up at him, and then returned his gaze to something in the distance.

The way that Uther barely acknowledged Arthur's presence always hurt, even though Arthur knew that it shouldn't. The man was ill, dying even. But it still made his heart ache when his father looked right through him as if he wasn't even there. Arthur didn't say anything. He sat down and joined Uther in staring at nothing.

Unexpectedly, the King spoke, making Arthur jump.

"I have been such a fool, Arthur," Uther confessed, "I have been such a fool and it has utterly destroyed me."

"Father?" Arthur said uncertainly, the lucidity in Uther's tone frightening him a little bit.

"I have let everyone that ever loved me slip away, all of them growing to hate me," his voice was even, but Arthur could hear the tired sadness beneath it.

"I don't hate you, father," he reached out, trying to comfort Uther.

"Yes you do," Uther stated simply, "You've lost all you care for because of me."

"Don't say that! I haven't lost anything because of you!"

"You have lost your mother to my stupidity, you have lost a sister to the hate that I fostered, and now you have lost your heart to a girl who you can never have because of the way in which I shaped this kingdom."

Arthur couldn't believe what he was hearing. This was the closest he had ever heard his father come to apologizing or resenting his actions against magic. It was strange, but Arthur was preoccupied with something else his father had said.

"Father?" he asked gently, "How do you know about Merlin?"

"They think that I cannot hear them, gossiping in here right behind me. The serving girls were speaking of you maidservant, and that she has fled because her magic was discovered."

Arthur was alarmed; he hadn't been aware that a rumor that Merlin had magic had been floating through the castle. Three times and three times only had he spoken about it: once with Merlin, once with Gaius, and just earlier with Gwaine.

"What else did they say?" Arthur pressed.

Uther looked exhausted.

"Your Uncle sent out a search party for her, no?"

Arthur leapt to his feet. He had heard of no such search party.

"I wasn't informed," Arthur muttered angrily, "I'm sorry, father, I have to go."

"Go," Uther told him, and Arthur wanted to cry.

"I don't hate you, Father," he said, and pressed a kiss to Uther's forehead.

Arthur was secretly relieved that he didn't find his uncle in his rooms; he might have run him through on sight, and that, however satisfying, would not be a good thing. Instead of Agravaine, he found a serving girl changing the sheets on his uncle's bed and Arthur questioned her.

"Where is Agravaine? I need to see him immediately," he hoped that his panic wasn't creeping into his voice.

The girl shook out the sheet and responded to him, "He's gone after Merlin, Sire," she bit her lip, "He's had someone listening at the door to all of your conversations for months," she recoiled, as if afraid that Arthur would hit her, "I'm sorry! I should have told someone, but your uncle, he threatened me and my family and-"

Arthur cut her off, "It's fine. You're not in any trouble," the girl's babbling stopped, "What does he plan to do?"

"I heard him say that a sorcerer with such intimate knowledge of Camelot cannot be allowed to live," she squeaked, and Arthur slammed his fist down on the table, sending glasses clattering to the floor. The girl scrambled to pick the pieces up.

"Sorry," Arthur winced, "I shouldn't have done that."

"No, it's fine," she said, looking like she wished that there was something she could do to comfort him.

"Thank you for your help," he turned and left the girl, who was still a little shocked from the encounter.

Storming out of the castle and to the armory, Arthur dressed himself in his armor and mounted his horse. He rode for Ealdor.

He reached the village before nightfall, and rapped on Hunith's door anxiously. She opened the door, a confused and worried look on her face.

"Is Merlin here?" he asked, the urgency in his voice scaring Hunith a little.

"No, I haven't seen her since the two of you returned to Camelot. What's wrong? Another man who said he was from Camelot came looking for her too. He said he was here on your orders," Hunith narrowed her eyes.

Arthur rubbed his hands on his face and took a very deep breath. Agravaine had been here.

"Merlin's uh- talents were revealed, and things didn't go very well," he said bitterly, "She left, and I didn't pursue her. Now my uncle Agravaine has found out about her magic and means to kill her."

Hunith clasped her hands to her mouth.

"She's not been here, and I told him that as far as I knew, Merlin was still in Camelot."

"Do you know which direction he headed?"

"Not really, only that he was heading deeper into Cenred's kingdom. He left down that path there," she pointed to her right, "Bring her back, Arthur," begged Hunith, locking eyes with him.

Arthur cupped her hands in his.

"I will make sure she is safe," he assured her.

"Go," Hunith told him.

Arthur nodded and remounted his horse. He followed the path into the woods.

There were tracks that could only have been Agravaine's that lead deep into them. Tracking his uncle wasn't difficult; Arthur traced the man's path, which wound further into Cenred's kingdom. Too his surprise, he began to recognize places, and he suddenly knew where he was. This was the town that he and Merlin had come to in search of the last dragon lord. He remembered the tavern, and knew that he was getting close. Urging his horse onwards, Arthur prayed that he wasn't too late.


	8. Chapter 8

disclaimer: I don't own Merlin. BBC owns Merlin. This is why Merthur isn't technically canon.

**The Aftermath**

* * *

><p>It was just before sunrise when something woke Merlin. The feeling of someone's hands forcing her to stay down on the ground catapulted her back into her nightmares, back into the armory. She felt bile rising in her throat, and made herself open her eyes. It was Agravaine who was pinning her to the ground. She knew that she was was so much more powerful than him, she could take him apart with less than a word. This wasn't going to happen again; there was no way that she was going to let herself be hurt because her most basic defense was crippled by fear. She was stronger than him and she could fight him.<p>

Spitting out the incantation to a spell that should have knocked Agravaine back, Merlin tried to protect her abdomen. Agravaine only laughed. He pulled a metal disk on a chain from his cloak, and dangled it in her face.

"Morgana enchanted this so that I would be protected from most magic. You're powerless now, I'm afraid," his voice was almost a maniacal giggle.

He drew a dagger, and Merlin began to thrash on the ground, trying to get away. Death had come for her, and surely there was no escape for her this time. That wasn't what she feared. If she died, so would her baby.

The cold metal of the dagger on her throat sent shivers down Merlin's skin. She incanted every spell she knew, but the magic of Morgana's enchantment was too strong. It was all in vain.

The dagger had broken her skin when Agravaine leapt to his feet. Merlin scrambled to get up from the ground, and saw what had caused him to abandon his attempt at killing her. It was Arthur, standing in the cave, his hand on his sword, a look of terror and rage in his eyes. Before anyone could say anything, Agravaine launched the dagger through the air. It hurtled towards Arthur, who wasn't ready for it.

"NO!" shrieked Merlin, as the dagger flew into Arthur's chest. He looked down in shock at the weapon. Merlin rushed passed Agravaine, who stood staring, not quite believing what he had just done. She grabbed Arthur, trying to steady him as he collapsed. On the floor, she cradled his head in her lap, and removed the dagger from his chest. The wound was oozing a dizzying amount of blood, and Merlin could feel the life draining from him.

This was never supposed to happen; this was all wrong and all Merlin's fault. She sobbed grossly, clutching at Arthur's body as his last breath exited him.

And then she screamed.

Merlin's eyes burned gold, and the magic that radiated from her was buzzing, brimming with energy. She kept screaming and her magic spun through the air, breaking Agravaine's protection, ripping through his body. He fell to the floor, and Merlin didn't care whether or not he was dead. The same magic that had attacked Agravaine, Merlin realized, was now working its way through Arthur's body. It danced from Merlin, and across Arthur's chest, winding through the wound, reviving him. With a huge gasp, Arthur bolted upright, pawing at his chest. Merlin laughed in relief and surprise at her display of power. Arthur was looking at her in a very funny way. He leaned in, and she heard him whisper something, but couldn't understand what it was that he was saying. A heaviness overtook her, and Merlin fell backwards into darkness.

–

For a moment, Arthur was too stunned to do anything. He had been dead, all the life flooded from his body. And then he wasn't. He was breathing, living, and the place where the dagger had entered his body was now healed over, the only sign of it was the blood still fresh on his shirt. It had been Merlin; she had saved him, her power far beyond what Arthur had ever even thought. She had brought him back from death, it seemed, but had utterly decimated her own strength. She had laughed, tears on her face when she saw that Arthur was alive. When he had leaned in to kiss her, her eyes had rolled back in her head, and before he could get the words "I love you, Merlin," out, she was falling. Arthur caught Merlin, and held her in his arms for a quiet moment, his face buried in her hair.

Taking a deep breath, he got up, wobbling a little bit, with Merlin in his arms. He carried her to his horse, not caring whether or not Agravaine was still alive. The only thing that mattered was Merlin.

Arthur struggled to get them both atop the horse, situating Merlin so that her face was leaning against his chest and he could feel the bump of her stomach. The back of her dress was wet with blood, he realized with horror. He didn't know where she was bleeding from, or that she had even been injured at all.

"Arthur," she croaked, eyes opening and he looked down at her in his arms, "You came for me."

"Shh. Of course I did," his voice was thick with tears.

Merlin's eyes flickered open and closed, melting between blue and gold. She sighed and slipped back into unconsciousness.

Arthur rode hard, spurring his horse on. There was no time for stopping; waste any time, and Merlin might die. She might die anyways, Arthur thought, but tried to shake the thought from his mind. He couldn't.

–

It was dark and cold, and Merlin couldn't see a thing. A voice that was loud like a thousand whispers surrounded her, assaulting her ears.

"What's going on?" there was no way to mask the fear in her voice.

The voice laughed, making a rustling sound that chilled Merlin to the bone.

"You know the ways of the Old Religion, Emrys. A life for a life."

"Am I dead, then?"

"No, but you will be," the voice stated casually.

It wasn't fair, Merlin thought. She hadn't made a deal, she hadn't even really done it on purpose. She had just done it. Arthur's life was so precious, so important, and she hadn't thought about the consequences. Once again, she was paying the price for not thinking things through. A shiver ran down her skin.

"Your life for his, Emrys. It has never seemed to be an issue for you in the past. I cannot count the times you have willingly put your own life up in place of his," hissed the voice, "What is so different now?"

What indeed?

And then she realized. It wasn't that Arthur's life was suddenly not worth the sacrifice. She had a newfound obligation to care implicitly for someone other than Arthur, someone who could never get by without her.

Her child.

And by exchanging her life for Arthur's, she would be ending any chance the child would ever have. There would be no way to save them.

"You can't do this!" shouted Merlin, feeling out in the darkness for the source of the voice, "It isn't right!"

"It is not a matter of right and wrong, Emrys. The debt must always be paid, and it always will be, one way or another," the voice sighed and it was like soft wind.

"If I die, then so does the child inside me, and your debt will be overpaid. The balance will be disturbed. You will harm neither me nor my child," Merlin said fiercely, "I will never let you."

There was silence, and Merlin could feel the voice building up its strength around her. She waited.

Nothing happened. And then, everything came pouring back, and Merlin looked about frantically, trying to place herself.

–

Camelot grew nearer and Arthur's sense of urgency heightened. As they rode into the citadel, Arthur silently thanked his horse for holding out. Just until Gaius's, he thought, then you can rest.

He dismounted, and ran as fast as he could with Merlin in his arms. Gaius leapt to his feet when Arthur entered, springing into action. Arthur didn't have time to blush as they removed Merlin's dress and undergarments, trying to find the source of Merlin's bleeding. It was her back. There were deep gashes running across it, and Arthur let out a low hiss.

"How did she get those?" he searched Gaius's face for an answer.

"You said that she did some extremely powerful magic?"

"Yes. I was dead, Gaius, actually dead. And she did something that brought me back," Arthur brushed the hair off of Merlin's face.

"Merlin's magic is very primal and powerful. Perhaps she didn't intend to actually preform a spell, and it was just pure magic that exited her body to heal you. The Old Religion can be very dangerous," Gaius speculated.

The cuts on Merlin's back were vicious and ugly. Gaius worked diligently to clean them and stitch them up. He didn't even wait for Arthur to leave the room before he cast a spell on Merlin, causing her to cough and sputter, eyes opening.

"Don't let them take my baby!" she shouted, "It's coming! The baby is coming, Gaius!" she clutched at his arm, "Don't let them restore the balance with my baby," her voice was pleading, "I will take Arthur's place, just let me have this baby first!"

Merlin was shouting at Gaius, but Arthur got the impression that it wasn't really him who the words were directed at.

"Shh, no one is going to die, Merlin," soothed Gaius, "Neither you nor your child will be restoring the balance. Not today."

She passed back into unconsciousness.

–

Fear overtook Arthur. If Merlin died now, it was his fault. If her child died, it was his fault, and she would never forgive him; he would never forgive himself. And if he died, well, she would never forgive him that either.

"Arthur, if you could get Gwen," Gaius requested, noting the worried expression on Arthur's face.

He left the room, and returned several minutes later with Guinevere in tow.

"Her water broke," Gaius told Gwen, "It's a little premature, but I shouldn't think that it's too much to worry about. We should fetch a midwife and move her somewhere more comfortable."

"I'll find someone," Gwen said, and ran off as fast as she could.

"I can take her to an empty room," Arthur offered, "It would be better than her room, I think."

"If you don't mind," said Gaius.

They wrapped Merlin in a warm blanket and Arthur lifted her up. There was an empty room next door to his, and he placed Merlin on the big bed, the blanket spread beneath her. She was half awake, eyes wandering around the room. Arthur paced.

Gwen returned with the midwife, a short and thick woman with iron grey hair. She bustled in, setting her things down at the side of the bed.

"How far apart are the contractions?" she asked Gaius.

"They've been about five minutes apart," he informed her, "I don't think that she's had any before this."

The midwife's eyes widened a little.

"She was injured," Arthur added, "It might have induced the labor. I don't know."

"Well, those certainly are close together for her early contractions, but she should be fine," the midwife decided, "If you could leave us, Sire."

She motioned to the door. Arthur hesitated a little, but got up from his seat next to Merlin. To his surprise, she snatched his hand up and shouted, "No!"

Everyone looked at her.

"I mean, I want him to stay," she mumbled, squeezing Arthur's hand.

The midwife glared at Arthur; it was obvious that she thought Arthur had taken advantage of his maidservant and got her pregnant.

"Very well," the midwife conceded, lips pursed, "He may stay, but if he gets in the way, I will insist that he leaves."

Arthur sat back down.

He watched as the midwife moved around Merlin, and spread her legs. Groggily, Merlin tried to reposition herself into a more comfortable position.

"Come on then, push, love," coaxed the midwife, positioning herself so that she was in front of Merlin's legs.

Merlin groaned, sweat trickling down her face.

"Push," the midwife ordered sternly.

Biting down on her lip, Merlin pushed, and let out a scream of pain. Her grip on Arthur's hand tightened and he winced but didn't say anything. It was all a little much for Arthur to take in, as Merlin screamed and pushed and the midwife tried to soothe her. Gwen stood with a cloth pressed to Merlin's forehead, mopping the sweat away. Gaius prepared bowls of water, and draped towels across the backs of chairs, so they would be ready to clean the baby when it was born. Merlin's cries pierced the air, and Arthur didn't know if he could take it. Her screams got even louder, and she crushed Arthur's fingers in her hand.

"That's it, love," praised the midwife, "The baby is coming."

A lump rose in Arthur's throat as Merlin pushed, and the baby entered the world, head first and screaming. It was a girl. The midwife took hold of the child, and cut the umbilical cord, tying it off. She handed the child to Gaius, who cleaned her off.

The baby's skin was pale and pink, and her dark blue eyes open wide. She stared at the world, crying loudly. Gaius turned to hand the baby to her mother, but Merlin had passed out, head lolled on the pillow. Instead, he handed the tiny child to Arthur, who took her with trembling hands. He didn't have much experience with children, let alone newborns, and was terrified that he would do something wrong.

"Hello," he said shakily, looking into her clear blue eyes. The baby was still crying, but she made a gurgling noise that Arthur interpreted as laughter, "I'm Arthur."

She lay in his arms as Gaius and the midwife attended to Merlin. Gwen walked over to him.

"You're crying," she told him quietly, trying to wipe her own tears away.

"I guess I am," he said, noticing for the first time that his cheeks were wet, "I don't know why; she's not even mine."

"No, but she's Merlin's. She looks just like her," Gwen pointed out.

She really did. Arthur wondered briefly if this was what Merlin had looked like as a baby: tiny and pale and beautiful.

"Sire, we're going to move Merlin to another room; the sheets in this one are utterly ruined. We'll take her after we clean her up," Gaius called over to him.

"She can be taken to my room," Arthur said, not taking his eyes off of the baby in his arms.

Gaius nodded, and returned to helping clean Merlin up a little.

"Gwen," Arthur said, "Could you take the baby? I'll need to help Gaius move her."

"Of course!" She eagerly took the baby as Arthur reluctantly let her go. A huge smile spread across Gwen's face as she held the child, who's cries were softening, and was falling asleep.

Arthur lifted Merlin off of the bed, and carried her to his room, where he put her down on the bed. Gwen handed the baby back to him and he cradled her.

–

Everything was dark again, and the wind-voices were whispering to Merlin.

"You have been very brave, Emrys. You always have been," they praised.

Merlin clenched her jaw.

"I don't care how brave you think I've been. Who's life will take the place of Arthur's?" she demanded to know.

The wind fluttered around her in the darkness, and she shivered.

"There was another man, a traitor toeing the line between life and death. We will take his life in exchange for Arthur's," the voice said with a hushing sound.

"Thank you," Merlin gasped, her body flooding with relief.

"Good luck, Emrys."

The darkness faded away.

Merlin began to stir, and her eyes fluttered open, gold for a moment before they faded back to blue.

"Hey," Arthur said softly, "You did great," he sat down on the bed, and held the baby out to her.

Merlin took her daughter, crying a little and laughing.

"Elaine," she said, "Elaine. You're so beautiful."

Merlin smiled at Elaine, who baby-smiled back, and Arthur stood, smiling at both of them.

It was strange, Merlin thought, that something so ugly and brutish had created something so innocent and wonderful.

"Sorry to interrupt," Gwen apologized, "But there are some very anxious knights waiting outside and they're wondering if you're ever going to let them in."

"Oh for goodness sake, she _just_ had the baby," Arthur exclaimed, ready to knock the knights' heads together if they started bothering Merlin.

Merlin rolled her eyes, "It's all right; let them in."

Gwen scampered to the door, and let it the knights. Gwaine was the first through the door, followed by Elyan, Leon and Percival.

"Now Princess, I don't want you to be upset," Gwaine said seriously, "but I think there's a new girl in Camelot, and she's stealing your title as 'most beautiful'," Gwaine grinned as Merlin held the baby up to him.

"She is rather beautiful isn't she?" Merlin had a rather dreamy expression in her eyes.

"What's her name?" asked Percival, taking the baby from Gwaine, who was staring dewey eyed at the child.

"Elaine," Merlin announced proudly.

"Elaine," repeated Leon, "That's a beautiful name."

"A beautiful name for a beautiful girl," Elyan declared, smiling at Elaine.

The baby stared up at all the people around her, eyes wide. She started to cry, and Percival handed her back to Merlin.

"We're really glad you're all right," Leon said, "You had us really worried for a while."

"Well, there's nothing to worry about anymore," yawned Merlin.

"Maybe we should let you get some sleep," suggested Elyan, noticing how droopy Merlin's eyes were becoming.

The knights leaned down one by one to kiss Merlin's forehead and then left her to sleep.

"I'll be going then," said Arthur, heading behind the knights.

"Wait. We need to talk, Arthur," she was frowning.

"We don't have to do that now," he assured her.

"Yes we do. I'm so, so sorry about everything," she breathed out, waiting for Arthur's response.

"It's fine."

"No, it's not," she insisted, "I lied to you. You trusted me and I lied. I'm sorry."

Arthur exhaled loudly.

"I wasn't angry at you because of what you lied about," he explained, "I was angry because you lied. I understand your reasons behind lying, but I thought that you trusted me enough, knew me well enough to know that I would never have let anything happen to you."

He sat down on the bed next to her.

"I know, I should have trusted you implicitly," Merlin admitted, "But every time that I thought I could tell you, something happened that just reassured me that you could never accept magic. I was scared."

"I know, and I'm sorry."

"I forgive you. Maybe you will forgive me, someday," she sighed.

"You are already forgiven," Arthur whispered, and stroked her hair.

Soon, Merlin drifted into sleep, Elaine curled on her chest. Arthur was still sitting on the bed, Merlin's hand clasped in his. Carefully, he lay down next to her, slipping his arms around her, joining her in sleep.

When Merlin woke in the morning, the first thing she noticed was tiny body next to her, breathing softly. Elaine was still asleep, and Merlin was going to put her in the cradle, where she should have been sleeping, when she noticed something else. A warm and large body was also next to her. It was Arthur, encircling her in his arms. If it had been anyone other than Arthur, she would have shied away from this contact. But it _was_ Arthur, and he would only ever protect her, that she was sure of. So she relaxed, and relished the sweet scent of him. His warm breath tickled her neck, where his face was buried. Merlin moved slightly, and Arthur groaned in his sleep, tightening his grip on her.

The feeling of his arms around her was nice, and Merlin waited for him to wake up.

"Merlin," he mumbled sleepily when he woke.

"Morning," she said softly, rolling over to face him.

There was an expression on his face that looked like he thought he might still be dreaming. The foggy-eyed look disappeared a little when he realized that he wasn't.

"Oh! I'm so sorry! This was really inappropriate of me, I'm sorry!" he stammered, reluctantly pulling away from Merlin.

"Oh, shut up, you prat," Merlin laughed, and pulled him back towards her.

Shakily, Merlin wound her fingers in Arthur's hair, and kissed him. His warm mouth was warm on hers and Merlin felt herself smiling. It was as if they had both been missing something for the longest time, and had finally found it. When they broke apart, Merlin glanced down at Elaine, who had woken up. She picked up her daughter, and cuddled her gently. Arthur grinned down at them, and kissed Elaine's head. The baby sneezed, her eyes flashing gold for the first time. Merlin froze. Arthur picked Elaine up.

"You're rather special, aren't you?" he addressed the baby very formally.

Elaine sneezed again, as if to say yes.

"Very special," Arthur agreed with himself, "Just like your mother."

Merlin turned her head up and placed a light kiss on Arthur's neck. The three of them lay in the bed, wrapped up in the perfection of the moment. They didn't even notice when Gwen and Gaius entered the room, carrying food for Merlin and the baby.

Arthur looked up. Both of them had huge smiles on their faces.

"What?" he asked incredulously.

"It's just you- you just look like such a family!" Gwen blurted out, a look of adoration on her face.

"I guess we do," admitted Arthur, gazing down at Merlin and Elaine, who were both snuggled up next to him, "I guess we do."

FIN


End file.
